in this life   whether it is nature or

nurture   we become the

person we are meant to be   who of

us fit the expectation of a society which

loves to critique   to

criticize and judge our weight   color

of skin   ethnicity   choice of gender   sexual

orientation   religion   lifestyle   

social status   political and spiritual bent   none

of us fit   and none of us fail to judge   but

some fit less and judge

less   this is for my sweet friends who judge

less   and love more   who say   i am   and   

you are   and   let us be 

~

My father prided himself on not showing emotion. Signs of tenderness were signs of weakness. Expression of affection was an affront to his manliness. That is, until age and illness weakened him. Then he came to understand such simple human qualities as compassion, sympathy, empathy. Then he was able to give and receive what was so difficult for him give or receive during his younger years. 

During his years of manliness, which is how I think of him at that time, he didn't realize that his seeming lack of emotion was only a failure to show emotions of kindness. He had no inability to show emotions of judgment, criticism, derision, hatred. These emotions came effortlessly. While I wore my heart on my sleeve, which infuriated him, he wore his anger like a medal.

In the end, after the plug was pulled, I sat by his bed, a little tearful. My final words to him were, it didn't have to be so hard. For him, given his nature, and given his nurture, which failed him miserably, he had little choice. He found goodness in the end. He realized, after the fact, that his anger and judgment was his loss. 

To my friends who are on the wrong side of judgement, keep loving, it's good for the soul and good for the telomeres : )