about Me


I've becomed this girl I don't want to be.

I've becomed this girl that I don't want to be.
I have fighted for so long now,
Though I could make it.
But I was wrong.
I didn't want to be one of the girls that drinks and cut they'r arms,
But now I am.
I didn't wanna be one of those girls who talk bads to they're moms,
But now I am.
The drinking part I'm okey with.
It's only fun!
But I don't get the "Be drunk" part.
That's for the older kids.
I havent been it yet,
And I don't see it as a rush.
I drink when I get the chance,
But I never drink far too much.

I cut my arms,
Started a few weeks ago.
I promesed my self to never do it,
have tried to get my best friend to quit.
I don't do it all the time.
I have only 7 scars on my arm.
I don't do them really deep,
it's not comming blood out,
And it never will.
I'm far to careful,
far to afraid.
I don't see this as a good thing,
I just want to change.
I always wanted to cut my self because my life sucked,
but I never did, cause I had promesed my self.
I broke that promes and I do regret.
It's to hard to hide my arms now at the summer.
Everything about me is a bluff.

I always fight with my mom and I always start to cry.
Every single time.
I'm so pitty and I want it my way,
And in the end I get it.
I start to become like everyone else,
now that I just have changed for the better,
I'm headding for the wors.
I fear that soon I just wear black,
cause lately I baugth black clothes, and it's summertime.
I always liked the color blue,
and now I don't that good any more.
It's more purple and those black color.
the thing I have always feard.

Why do I become like one of those?
Not all of my friends is like that.
Some are like the way I used to be,
Why don't I get some efect back?
I don't wanna be the girl I used to be,
And I don't want to be the girl I'll soon become.
I'm never going to smoke,
I promes this now.
I am going to try,
But never ever take more than one try.
I promes that, and I'm keeping that promes.
I want to be free again,
just like I used to.
I wanna be one of them,
just like I am.
It's not because I turn in to someone else,
They liked me before that.
Maybe they saw before I knew,
that I was going to change?

This girl that I'm becoming,
I don't have any thing against the one who allready are like that.
I just don't wanna turn all around.
I was this cute little girl that everyone adored,
I used to like my body.
Now I'm more evil like before,
And I kind of like it.
I always wanted to be like this,
Now I suddenly don't like it that much,
But I'm not going to be one of those "Black-All-Day" Things.
Then I crossed the line.
Once again, I don't mind those "Black-All-Day" kids.
they are nice.



Poetry by kittipuusen
Read 556 times
Written on 2006-06-03 at 22:18

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raven
i know what you mean i have 13 scars from cutting i hated doing it and im really glad that i quit but life still gets hard sometimes and thats hard to cope with when you take away the cutting but dont worry you have a friend here who understands. dont become the person you fear ive been there and its really hard to bounce back from i didnt want to become one of those either and then i did and the only thing that brought me back was 2 good friends and one wonderfull boyfriend. **hugs**
2006-06-23


UnforgivenAngel
dont worry,drinking is fine and its normal to fight with your mum,you cant keep cutting yourself tough. wearing black isnt all that bad,i only ever used to wear black, i was a so called 'goth' or 'emo' its okay,i promise,i know what its like to hate yourself,to cut yourself,hiding those scars are difficult but i suggest you put foundation on them,it hides them really well. but i really hope you find what you want to be.

great write,i understand.
2006-06-03