Blood and Fire, Exhaustion and Renewal

I am interested in nurturing the creative fire, the spiritual fire, the life force energy which feeds an appetite for life and creation.

I always burnt it out before ...

Hard baked earth
Cracked shells of dry mud
Dust
dust
dust
A trickle of water
A memory of you
Bull ants run in the dust I am
Paradoxically spent

I thought I was unlimited
A never ending flood
of warmth and energy and
fuel for action.

They say...
Holding the energy of an archetype too long can burn you up
this human body not designed to sustain one note only without variation or a pause

I wanted to be loved

I thought thatís why they loved me

What I could do with this brightness
this heat, this spark of beginning-ness and
what it could do, and did do, for them

Eat me

Eat me

Eat me

I am empty now
Running on empty
Energy building
But wasting away

Burning brighter
But skinnier by the day

Where is my energy going then?
How long has this been going on?
Why am I so tired?
Why canít I fix this in a month, a year, a season?

Fuck what is wrong with me?

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing, you say

Give me another year (or three) to believe that will you?

There was fire and water
There was snake and spider
The spider fell on my head

He said

Youíre on to something

Unite fire and water

Teapot
Cauldron
Weaver
Snake bite
Fire thread

Blood, Blood, Blood

Releasing
Renewing
Re-member-ing

Since the early conditioning
When art was the only bridge, the only sanity
Connecting me to my full self

I eventually made the journey back
Back to my body
Back down into my body
Ready to make myself my art

I freed myself
To dance
To sound
To play
To be

I freed myself
To feel
To allow
To explore
To grow

I dance to connect with the wild in me, in you

My sensuality is my gift, my joy,
my pleasure in being alive,
a dance of energy and sensation

A renunciation of
or
Dissent from
all that kept me small enough
to wilt before their gaze and hide
The bright bright flower blooming
in the orgasm of my starpoint heart

I am wisdom decider
Complacent recliner
Wonderous wanderlust
Complicit under dust
I am magnificent
Also worsted, wasting
Until we twintugst
We are at war within us
Between us in the cracks
We are falling

Become the spider and catch me
All my pieces
So I may be whole.




Poetry by Maija Liepins
Read 154 times
Written on 2021-02-19 at 15:32

Tags Burnout  Energy  Healing 

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josephus The PoetBay support member heart!
Brilliant rendering of a tumultuous season of your heart.
2021-02-19