"Are you waiting for life? You are life." Shivali & Mooji Mala
elbowing my way up the ranks of a company focused only on profit
learning to lie convincingly and having a habit of numb emotions
while wearing mask of expressive warmth and just enough intimacy and closeness to make
my manager and co-workers believe I trust them and they can trust me
This numb seeping into my home life.
My friends and family no longer evoke any emotion.
Just a pantomime of acting like I know I would if I could feel my love for them.
Spending nights turtle-shelled and scrolling to avoid silent panic attacks.
Then I was made aware of the erosion of my mum's mind
long after I had already lost her
Her potentially imminent death
And every "hey" on teams, every email coming through to me puts me in a rage:
This extra million I save for my CEO to buy himself another rich person toy is not worth my own emotional and moral extinction, not worth avoiding to process my grief or saying goodbye to my mother.
I withdraw
on leave
sick
offline
The death of my office girl-boss self
A slow thawing of myself
With cautious thump-a-thumps I am beginning to feel again
Please don't make me go back
Poetry by SecretWords
Read 43 times
Written on 2025-06-21 at 08:58
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Girl-Boss Death
Haunting office cubicles and meeting marathonselbowing my way up the ranks of a company focused only on profit
learning to lie convincingly and having a habit of numb emotions
while wearing mask of expressive warmth and just enough intimacy and closeness to make
my manager and co-workers believe I trust them and they can trust me
This numb seeping into my home life.
My friends and family no longer evoke any emotion.
Just a pantomime of acting like I know I would if I could feel my love for them.
Spending nights turtle-shelled and scrolling to avoid silent panic attacks.
Then I was made aware of the erosion of my mum's mind
long after I had already lost her
Her potentially imminent death
And every "hey" on teams, every email coming through to me puts me in a rage:
This extra million I save for my CEO to buy himself another rich person toy is not worth my own emotional and moral extinction, not worth avoiding to process my grief or saying goodbye to my mother.
I withdraw
on leave
sick
offline
The death of my office girl-boss self
A slow thawing of myself
With cautious thump-a-thumps I am beginning to feel again
Please don't make me go back
Poetry by SecretWords
Read 43 times
Written on 2025-06-21 at 08:58
Save as a bookmark (requires login) Write a comment (requires login) Send as email (requires login) Print text|
Mercatore |
