I'm trying to make more romantic songs since sad songs make me depressed, anyways hope you enjoy and criticism is always welcome!


Lovelocked

I can tell she’s sick of me
or atleast wants to be
during the day she’s acting cold
her eyes, frequently rolled

I try to tell her something
instead she starts to sing
our love burns like a whiskey shot
short, brief, almost naught

But in that secret night
when she’s too drunk to drive
and when the mood is right
we both feel alive

She grabs for my hand
the kiss is unplanned
yet I let her drag me back down
In her lips I could drown

Yet, typically in the morning
she leaves me with nothing
my romance is back in mourning
as I can still hear her sing




Poetry by Artorius
Read 140 times
Written on 2026-08-16 at 21:37

Tags Love  Romance  Night 

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Sameen The PoetBay support member heart!
This has a solid emotional core. The push and pull between the cold daytime version of her and the warm secret nighttime version is relatable and well drawn. The whiskey shot comparison is a nice touch. That said, the rhyme scheme gets a little singsongy in spots, especially in the third stanza, which softens the hurt the lyrics are trying to land. Also, "almost naught" feels forced to fit the rhyme. The song knows its situation; it just needs a little more sonic edge to match the ache.
2026-08-25


Jamsbo Rockda The PoetBay support member heart!
Nice ending referencing the earlier verse. Song lyrics are not as easy as they may seem to write. This is really good.
2026-08-17