i hate love

i remebered today, for some weird and inexplicable reason, aaron. he was my first love. i remeber how screwed up he was, how he would manupulate me. i knew how he was, i knew what he was, but i still loved him. i fell in love w/ him despite his fucked up mind. maybe it was because deep down i am just like him. just like him, and my father.
i fell in love twice in my life, once was aaron, second was one of my best friends, kendra. i think i still love her. its hard to tell, i dont know if what i feel is pure love or just the closeness w/ a person i've known for a year or two. i loved them, and i fear, i still do love them. i cant hear a love song w/out thinking of either of them.
every time, i seem to find myself in the same situation. i infatuate myself w/ someone i know i cant have. or i wait too long and they become somebody elses. no i fear that an old flame is being rekindeled. or has been rekindaled(somebody teach me to spell). he's nice, and warm, and gives amazing hugs. but he's too soft for me. yea, if the guy is too soft i'll take charge, but i think he's tooo soft. he doesnt have the same, screwed up mind i do. only aaron did. i'm so scared of that. what if i never find a person who will fit me perfectly.
i dont want to get somebody who's too sweet and normal, because, what if they get scared of me. i scare myself too sometimes.

Words by Claudia
Read 743 times
Written on 2006-09-19 at 04:58

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Somethings will just fade like scars and dreams and this soon will.

Take courage and listen to your heart and mind.

keith nunes
such incredible honesty and emotion flows here claudia. great write! and sorry to say this but be patient, the right one will come along one day when you least expect it