Friends, I have no word: I have the most shocking news: I just reproduce this message; I got in my mail Just now:


I Mourn my friend Joshua, Mexican-2006

When came back from London, I got a message from Josh, saying, 'you were not there when I needed you', now I am leaving the bay, and you. I tried to explain to him, I was away, but he said it's too late, he has lost his will to live... I pleaded with him, asked why, what happened, why he lost his will to live? ... The reply came from his friend Eunice that he lost his wife in a car accident. Now today, I get this terrible news, I don't know how I am going to endure this, but...

The letter:

Zoya, I am so sorry, but I have terrible news. Hes gone, he killed himself. I came home and I found him. He shot himself Zoya! He fucking shot himself in the chest twice. He left me a note on his computer, the keyboard was all bloody. It said, "Eunice, I am so
sorry you will have to find me like this. I know that you truly did care for me, and that you really wanted to help me in any way possible but it is just too much to have to go through. I have no reason to live anymore, and I am convinced that this is true. Please don't cry Eunice, I know you will, I know you'll be dissapointed in me, but please just try to understand that I died when she did. It was just a matter of time before I chose to go. I lay here suffering, just like she did, so that I can experience the same thing. A loved one not being there to save you, its scary, I've screamed her name twice, but she doesnt come. Please tell Zoya that I am sorry, and that I only acted so rash because I was lost. It hurts so much" It ends there, he was going to keep on writing but he didnt finish the note. It looked like he was going to say I'm sorry one last time. Zoya, I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I am breaking down. I loved him, and now hes gone, he so stupid! I know yall shared a special bond, but I am sorry to tell you its permanently severed, and I am going to have to go. You were his last friend Zoya, I dont think he ever turned on you completely. Not like everyone else, he didnt address anyone in his will except his sister or I, so I think thats why he wanted me to tell you he was sorry. So, I have to do this, and I am sorry to have to bring you this news. At the moment he was dying, he only thought about three people. I think we should be honored to have been cared for by such a great man, we will miss him much. I am sorry Zoya, I know that you are so far away, I can only hope that when you get this message that you are ok. I am going to start closing down his page tomorrow.

here is his last poem

I sat and watched as the world came crashing down
When my reality began to corrode subject to laments decay
Now I can't even comprehend the loss, beneath sorrow I drown
I pointlessly wait; constantly thinking you'll come back one day

Please come back home, I need your guiding light
I need your love, words of wisdom and your constant support
I need help still, to determine day from night, wrong and right
Yet, we will never speak again, our time together too short

I am lost, and forever will be, because some idiot needed a drink
Because you were stolen from me, ripped from my heart
Because his actions resulted in your death, pushed to the brink
You were there alone, suffering for so long, cast into the dark

I want you back, I know of only one way I can make this so
So I am going to have to set my own boat down the river of life....away I go

Your friend

~Eunice~




Poetry by Zoya Zaidi
Read 1152 times
Written on 2006-10-01 at 22:18

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sania
it grieves my heart so much that i am almost into tears. i know what it is to part with a friend for life (i wouldn't say you have lost him cuz for eternity he's your friend).
the only way to pay homage to him is to help out those who are yielding to depression and the psyche of thanatos.
take care dear zoya
love
2006-10-21


liz munro The PoetBay support member heart!
I read some of Josh's works -
he will be missed by all.

I am sorry to hear this.

liz
2006-10-18


she
I am utterly speechless!!!!!For some reason I feel bad that there was nothing anyone could do about it because every life is dear....but then again I understand his pain.I am just sorry that he decided to go that way....but here's to Joshua:I hope you found her on the other side and together you are happy.
2006-10-13


keith nunes
so terribly sad! what is there to say
2006-10-06


Zoya Zaidi
Dear Friends, I got this in my mail box, I am posting it for Peter, it is so beautiful, I want to share it with all of you:

Peter's messaage:

I heard what did happen, and I was well, I have no words for it... I too have walk down that road, the road your now on... the road that leads past denial but ends in acceptance, and I know that it probably don't seem like it will now, but in time everything will be okay... just by remembering him and being the Zoya he knew and cherished as a friend you will honor him... I wrote something to you my friend, it's not much but I was moved by your text and what had happened, hopes it helps a little...

Forevermore
Condolences and gifts in embracing words
One that is said to be lost, never to return
Down the river Styx he travels alone.

In this darkest hour of our darkest day
We have no hope, only despair
But we shouldn't

If we the memories of his life proclaim
And refuse to forget his name
Then through our eyes and actions he will live
And he will live forevermore...

You can always talk to me Zoya, I know it sounds corny, but it's true, I'm more then just an Internet friend...
Loads of hugs and loads of love
Peter
2006-10-05


Christian Lanciai The PoetBay support member heart!
I am very sorry about this. Let me share your tears and blend them with my own... There is always too much to cry about, and the oceans never can get full, since there is no end to sorrows and no bottom to their abyss...
2006-10-04


Natalie
I have tears in my eyes
It's so sad!
At least they'll get to be together now
Forever

I will hold a silent minute for Joshua
I say that we all should
even though I didn't know him
I knew that he was a wonderful poet

I'm so sorry for your loss Zoya
And I think I speak for everyone at the bay when I say:
We're here for you

<3
2006-10-03


gemma
If it helps, I know how you feel.
a little while ago, a friend of mine who was just 16, killed himself.
i cannot even begin to explain the pain i went through. for months i rejected everyone. all i wanted was dominic.

But one day, I thought to myself, He would not have wanted to see me like this. so my spirit rose, and i mourned him in a comfortable, but still extremely upsetting way.

i still cry sometimes, but thinking of them is the way forward.

many respects and hugs,

gemma

xxxxxxxxxx
2006-10-02


Arti
I'm so sorry, Z. I dont think I knew Josh, I dont remember having read him. He must have been a wonderful poet, and you must have been a wonderful and important person to him.
Take heart, he is finally free, finally happy. I wish I could say more... I cant.
(((((((((Hugs))))))))))
2006-10-02


Sabrina
I am so sorry for your loss Zoya.... I cannot even begin to comprehend....

Hugs,
Sabrina
2006-10-02


lastromantichero The PoetBay support member heart!
hi there Zoya

this si such sad news and my condolences to his family

rgds mike so sorry for the loss of your friend and a fellow bay member hugs for you my friend and thought for his close friends it is so tragic
2006-10-02


Saga
This hurts, this really hurts!!!, My condolences of course, Some things are "truly" better left unsaid!!!
2006-10-02


Kathy Lockhart
I am sorry Zoya, so, so sorry. I know you are hurting and I wish I could comfort you in some way. But, I know, right now, there is no comfort, only pain. I pray for all who love him. God be with you, Zoya. xoxoxo kathy
2006-10-01


Ariel Bennett
i'm so sorry. i kinda know how it feels. a few monthes ago my best friend was on webcam and he slit his wrists and died infront of my all i could do is cry. i wished i could've done something. my prayers are with u and his family and friends.
2006-10-01


wee2souls
this is so.heart wrenching..so.. no words my friend..my heart goes out to you..
and to his family I send my prayers..
hugs of many to you
love cindy
2006-10-01


Zoya Zaidi
This is Josh's photo, dear friends.
2006-10-01



Joshua sleep well
A hug to the memory of him, a hug to anyone who is mourning
2006-10-01