Friends, I have no word: I have the most shocking news: I just reproduce this message; I got in my mail Just now:
I Mourn my friend Joshua, Mexican-2006
When came back from London, I got a message from Josh, saying, 'you were not there when I needed you', now I am leaving the bay, and you. I tried to explain to him, I was away, but he said it's too late, he has lost his will to live... I pleaded with him, asked why, what happened, why he lost his will to live? ... The reply came from his friend Eunice that he lost his wife in a car accident. Now today, I get this terrible news, I don't know how I am going to endure this, but...The letter:
Zoya, I am so sorry, but I have terrible news. Hes gone, he killed himself. I came home and I found him. He shot himself Zoya! He fucking shot himself in the chest twice. He left me a note on his computer, the keyboard was all bloody. It said, "Eunice, I am so
sorry you will have to find me like this. I know that you truly did care for me, and that you really wanted to help me in any way possible but it is just too much to have to go through. I have no reason to live anymore, and I am convinced that this is true. Please don't cry Eunice, I know you will, I know you'll be dissapointed in me, but please just try to understand that I died when she did. It was just a matter of time before I chose to go. I lay here suffering, just like she did, so that I can experience the same thing. A loved one not being there to save you, its scary, I've screamed her name twice, but she doesnt come. Please tell Zoya that I am sorry, and that I only acted so rash because I was lost. It hurts so much" It ends there, he was going to keep on writing but he didnt finish the note. It looked like he was going to say I'm sorry one last time. Zoya, I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I am breaking down. I loved him, and now hes gone, he so stupid! I know yall shared a special bond, but I am sorry to tell you its permanently severed, and I am going to have to go. You were his last friend Zoya, I dont think he ever turned on you completely. Not like everyone else, he didnt address anyone in his will except his sister or I, so I think thats why he wanted me to tell you he was sorry. So, I have to do this, and I am sorry to have to bring you this news. At the moment he was dying, he only thought about three people. I think we should be honored to have been cared for by such a great man, we will miss him much. I am sorry Zoya, I know that you are so far away, I can only hope that when you get this message that you are ok. I am going to start closing down his page tomorrow.
here is his last poem
I sat and watched as the world came crashing down
When my reality began to corrode subject to laments decay
Now I can't even comprehend the loss, beneath sorrow I drown
I pointlessly wait; constantly thinking you'll come back one day
Please come back home, I need your guiding light
I need your love, words of wisdom and your constant support
I need help still, to determine day from night, wrong and right
Yet, we will never speak again, our time together too short
I am lost, and forever will be, because some idiot needed a drink
Because you were stolen from me, ripped from my heart
Because his actions resulted in your death, pushed to the brink
You were there alone, suffering for so long, cast into the dark
I want you back, I know of only one way I can make this so
So I am going to have to set my own boat down the river of life....away I go
Your friend
~Eunice~
Poetry by Zoya Zaidi
Read 1239 times
Written on 2006-10-01 at 22:18
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