I am thoroughly pissed off with the rubbish I get in my local branch of SHITBUSTERS so I have launched my own DVD/Video label: EDNAPORN. Here's the first few issues........


Edna's Video Library (ADULTS ONLY)

"SHARON AND TRACY GO CLUBBING"

What better way could there be
For sexy sixth-formers Sharon and Tracy to unwind
After their examinations than to go clubbing?

First, to get themselves in the mood,
They dress up in schoolgirl uniforms
And give each other a good lesbo licking.

However, the saucy pair swing both ways,
As 3'9" Eduardo Maria Mingeplater,
The swarthy Italian taxi driver
Who arrives to take them to the disco,
Soon finds out when they beg him
To give them a slice of his mighty
Throbbing wop salami on the lounge floor.

When they get to the kinky swingers' club,
They are totally disappointed to find it's gay night,
But the doorman does them a favour
And gives them a consolation hot shagging instead.

RATED VVV*.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"MIDGET ORGY"

Bridget the Midget is only three foot high
But she's as horny as Hell. So why don't you
Watch as the ugly smelly sexmad little dwarf gets it
In every single orifice from a horde of ravening perverts.

She has more sex in the course of this 120 minute film
Than most women get in their entire lives.
Watch as over two hundred studs shag her mercilessly in a row
And then squirt their hot oozy cum all over her;
See her covered utterly in spunk from head to foot.

This DVD holds the record for
The largest number of orgasms
Ever filmed in one session
And you will see and hear every single one.
The studio floor is literally swimming with semen
By the end, and there's lots of extras too.

RATED UTO**

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"FAT BITCHES GO SEX MAD FOR OLD GUYS"

This is sexlife in the fat lane!
The ten ugliest and fattest women in Europe
(which is no idle boast if you've been to Poland)
Star blatantly in this brand new film!
You've never seen such gross lumps of female horror:
Tyres of dimpled fat hanging down, rolls of quivering flab
Which have to be lifted up by many willing hands
And held apart with tongs
Before anyone can get near their holes!

And to make the whole scene perfect, all the men are 70+,
But have been driven to wild excesses
Of senile lust
By having been forcibly fed huge doses of Viagra!
Not for the squeamish as there's a couple of heart attacks
In this one and a funeral or two.

RATED ALD***.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"BATHROOM FUN AT ST TRINIANS"

Ariadne and her aristocratic friends
Come back after a game of hockey
To find that webcams have been installed
In the showers and toilets
Whilst they were out on the hockey pitch.

But they don't care and just get right on with their business.
You see absolutely everything
Including the unique mass pissing competition.
But the real excitement comes
When the horny guys in the men's locker room
Break down the intervening wall
And deflower the whole hockey team.
You'll have to take it from us
That the girls are over the age of consent
'cos THEY SURE DON'T LOOK IT!

RATED VVV*.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"FRUSTRATED ORGY ON TEXAS DEATH ROW"

One for the girls who've never seen
What happens when a couple of hundred
Horny sex-starved murderers and rapists
Get locked up without any women for 20 years
As they wait to see if they're going to fry or not!

See the these vicious criminals satisfying their lusts
On each other (oooh! oooh! oooh!),
Not caring that the CCTV is turning 24/7!

They don't care what the punishment may be,
They just have to release their urges!
See how those cute crazily sadistic warders
Thrash the living daylights out of the defiant prisoners
For their unnatural behaviour!

Drool with excitement at the pain inflicted
On these evil miscreant mothers!

(Warning: the soundtrack is so loud the neighbours will commit suicide!)

RATED ALD***.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"SEXTUPLE GAY PENETRATION AT THE STEAM BATHS"

Bronzed and beefy butch dudes
With rippling pecs and peachy butt-buns!
Unique multi-racial orgy featuring the immortal
Passive Pedro the Peruvian Pervert
Taking three enormous dicks in his mouth
And three more up his back passage
At the same time (that's the kinky bit).

You will not believe how he manages it
Without being split wide open utterly!
Gasp with shock at the sight
Of a twenty-strong daisy chain of homo lust!
This film will appeal to everyone from straight women
To old queens (but to the latter, more so).

RATED UTO**.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FROM OUR SPONSORS.......

Buy any two DVDS and receive a FREE extra sextoy: Edna's Illuminated Anal Periscope.
Just slip the end up your bum, switch on and you will be illuminated internally
by the powerful miniaturised super-cooled 500-watt bulb.
By using the unique extended mirror you will be able to watch your own anal contractions
as you masturbate along to the movies!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Edna's unique rating system for vids and DVDs

* VVV = Very, very vulgar
** UTO = Utterly and totally obscene
*** ALD = A living disgrace.




Words by Edna Sweetlove
Read 1264 times
Written on 2007-07-25 at 21:57

Tags Humour  Sex  Love 

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