This is really a poem I translated from Swedish, so the grammar might be a bit off here and there...please let me know if it's something that needs changing!


And stars scattered across her eyes

Tears sparkle at nighttime
Crystals of ice, though they crackle with warmth
Showing the way to a past
That no longer exists
As smiles dance across the lawn
To the beauty of everything that used to be broken
So that it could become whole

In front of love's eyes
There are shimmering rainbows
Which come after tears, storms
To reflect beauty
Which was once hard to notice

But sparkling beads of laughter
Are warmth in your hands
For I've finally found my way
Home






Poetry by Eadon
Read 648 times
Written on 2007-01-02 at 19:34

dott Save as a bookmark (requires login)
dott Write a comment (requires login)
dott Send as email
dott Print text


Rob Graber
Very nice! I rather like "before" in line 3; but "past" indeed would be expected, and would give a smooter meter.

Line 10: "Which" instead of "Who" would be standard here.
Line 14: "Are" instead of "Is" would be standard here.

The idea of being broken in order to become whole is beautiful!
2007-01-02


Sarvesh
umm...well I beg to differ from Mr. Zeeshan.
you've blended nature so well with this poetry that there is no point of being it raw.
thats the beauty of your writing style.
keep it up:)
2007-01-02


zeeshan
very well written dear,
then only thing that made the reading odd was the line

"Showing the way to a before
That no longer exists"

i guess it would sound better

"Showing the way to a past
That no longer exists"

the pain can be really felt, though the feelings were raw,the intentions were clear.

the magic crystal always takes away all the blues, yet we hte crying.


rgrds : zee
2007-01-02