A friend of mine came up with a poem structure called Individualtean.


Soldier's Eyes

Shadows dance across freedom,
As liberty marches along
Song of change sing motion
Making right, their ears hear no wrong
Charity captures all of whom aren't free;
Consumes freedom's potion

Lotion dried
Dream distilled air
Suffocate with the tension

Mention memories of home quality
What was once desire; they now long
Throng, deep in devotion
Ocean tides hide, death defeats strong;
As liquid reads this ominous decree
Concrete storms cry notion

Ocean tides
No water spare
Pursuing the contention

Attention, pride held high in soldier's eyes,
Sigh to the anthem, yet another dies




Poetry by katiiieanne
Read 979 times
Written on 2007-03-15 at 03:33

Tags Individualtean  War  Soldier 

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Rob Graber
Nice job with the thymes linking the stanzas!

PS: The intro must need shortening... It's weird how it can fit in the preview, then get cut off in the actual post, isn't it?
2007-06-20


katiiieanne
Thank your for the comment. I hadn't noticed them. Even though I read over the poem countless times, I never found those mistakes. Thank you.
2007-03-15


Individuality
i count eleven syllables in the first line whereas it should hold ten.

Suffocate the tension - i count six syllables here, it should hold seven.

long/hold - these should rhyme

just those points really i can see that need a little attention.

a good poem.
2007-03-15