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Turtleshelling

I am not the woman I was.
unrecognizable

I grieve the loss of the woman,
that would throw herself into life,
love to surround herself with people, relish conversation,
and revel in emotional cues

This time alone,
all the things that have been hard

I pull back, pull in, under covers, far away

This was my life-long hidden tendency, but to emerge anew was never hard.

Now only a handful of people are safe,
and leaving home, a terror

Now fearing friends I used to love,

I need those quiet, sweet ones that laugh loud when coaxed gently,
or when I pull antics and make their eyes twinkle.

My hands shake
My voice trembles

Take a deep breath, and I attempt, I pretend,
but I am her
no longer

Poetry by SecretWords