The third in a series of journal entries on grief. My hope and prayer is that in some small way, these expressions of my pain will help someone else who is dealing with the loss of someone they love.

Questions With No Answers

How do I begin to rebuild a life
that was centered around you for 39 years,
Now that you're gone?

Although I had other titles,
Mother, daughter, sister, friend,
And other jobs, clerk, teacher, treasurer,
You were always there, somewhere in the background,
To encourage, assist and love me.

You were my rock, my security, my pride and joy.
If it had not been for your confidence in me,
I would never have had any in myself.

You respected my opinions,
Even when they were different from yours;
And were proud of my talents and accomplishments,
As I was of yours.

Whatever I saw in myself,
I saw as a reflection of you and your love for me.
So now, how do I go on without you?

I have no focus, no center, no direction.
Most of the time, my prayers seem to stop at the ceiling.
Even God seems far away.

This stranger who lives in my body,
Wanders aimlessly through each day,
Drifting wherever the present winds blow.
At the beck and call of so many;
In every direction,
Without the energy to resist.

Nothing accomplished, nothing gained.
Just one fog-filled day after another.
Sometimes a brief glimpse fo my former self,
Hardly recognized.

Who am I? What am I? Where am I?

Words by Marlene
Read 851 times
Written on 2006-08-14 at 19:41

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