three words....i dont know.


i think i'll sleep on the floor tonight...

its ok, dont worry
just leave me here
i'll find my way im sure.
close my eyes if you want
make it a challenge
spin me round in circles
until i cant stand strait
till i feel sick with it all
until i hobble to a wall
and grasp it for support
that will buy you time,
wont it?
make me collapse
i'll sigh and get back up
but you wont have it
you'll laugh in that way
meant for little children
and push me back down
point my face towards the sky
and leave me there to die
and by this time im tired
i'll just give up to your whims
i think i'll sleep on the floor tonight...




Poetry by andrea
Read 1035 times
Written on 2006-12-11 at 02:55

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Wangdi Gyalpo
Dear

Your work of art is really good. However, you got to be little careful about punctuations and use of letters. Such as, first person i.e. 'I' should always be in capital letter, there is no apostrophe in 'Cant' and 'Wont'. Though poets possess some liberty in playing with words. However, poets doesn't possess liberty to play with language.

And yes, writing such poetry at your age is really commendable.

Bon Voyage to the world of poetry.

Language: 2
Format: 3
Mood: 4
Overall: 4
2006-12-11


Teala
Painful and emotionally driven..good one.
2006-12-11