Tryed to write a songtext. shit, crap. ^^ I'm not good at that, not my english either

Is it:

This don't even rhyme

or

This dosen't even rhyme

?? Please tell me!


This don't even rhyme - songtext.

Silent shriek of anguish over thrown coffee grounds
over forgotten memory, still leaning against our walls
in the rooms of our faded time.

Polite insults for disgusting thoughts surrounds me
For gloomy, rejected emotions whit muddy clothes
Whit glass between there fingers.

And this don't even rhyme,
This don't even rhyme,
This don't even rhyme. No, not this time.

Broken tunes, washed sorrows whit timeless breaths
Hated so passionate in a untalented poets vocabulary
The artiste in me has died away.

And this don't even rhyme,
This don't even rhyme,
This don't even rhyme. No, not this time.

I'm just saying;

And this don't even rhyme,
This don't even rhyme,
This don't even rhyme. No, not this time.

Aren't there a priest who can save my dust and bones?
I can't stand to see my own twisted brothers get mislead
I just can't stand the pain,
No, not this time.




Poetry by Sofia
Read 538 times
Written on 2006-12-27 at 00:55

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wonderbread
doesn't = does not.
don't = do not.

so. obviously its doesnt, but, still, its not so much the grammar in a piece, the spelling and fitting of words, its the message and tone with which it is delivered, and the confidence in your feeling you are presenting. i think you have a bit of both, you surely do. well done.
-tony
2007-01-16



Who said it had to rhyme anyway? lol I enjoyed it rawness too. Quite punk in style. My fav line, 'Broken tunes, washed sorrows with timeless breaths' Lovely work. with instead of 'whit' was the most noticable spelling I noted. It sounds like writers block, but don't worry it's come back! Smiling at you, Tai
2006-12-27


weirdzarun
And it's "doesn't" but, really, I like it with the "dont." It adds to the attitude.
2006-12-27


weirdzarun
Wow. I love the raw emotion and power in this piece. To me, this says "I'm not even going to try, I'm telling you how it is, and if you don't like it, tough." I really DO like it, in fact! good work! And your english is fine, except for a few little things hardly noticable.
2006-12-27