I have a chance to get one of these two published and I need to know which one is better


Just a walk away & Wildfire

Just A walk away


I set out on a lonely path
just me and my memories
walking alone from town to town
trying to set myself free
I've promised myself no turning back
for my home is no longer home
ever since you left me
I've been wondering all alone
I buy a fifth of whiskey
just to get me through the night
I travel farther and farther
with out you with by my side
I never meant to go this far
just down the street
when I think about you leaving
It makes me want to drink
so I buy a another bottle
and try to make believe
that you weren't riding in a hearse
but instead a limousine



Wildfire


where is it
who did it
why

flames like a beast
dancing in the night
grasping for the stars
teasing jumping back and forth
tring to cross the line
climbing trees
desperate not to die
out on a limb
to the other side
desperate not to die

groundpounders
dozers
greenhorns
and vets
all working side by side
desperate not to die

rumbling
rolling flames
lighing up the sky
claming every thing
almost as if saying
"I am here, this is mine"

yellow and green
uniforms
bluring around
with rakes in hand
waging a war
of their own kind
desperate not to die

dozers
crawling through the unclamed
making a road
around the beast as they go
desperate not to die

finnaly after hours and days
the beast is caged
and every one is going home
happy to be alive




Poetry by Visoconti
Read 963 times
Written on 2007-03-26 at 08:29

Tags Love  Lost  Fire 

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Individuality
i read these earlier, i think the second one is the better piece though one line:

"I am here, this is mine"

perhaps having the I lowercase as in the rest of the poem you are using lowercase letters?

tring - trying
groundpounders - ?
lighing up the sky - lighting up the sky
bluring around - blurring around
the unclamed - the unclaimed
finnaly - finally
2007-03-26


yoonoos peerbocus
inwardly every body is alone because of mystery of life and . living . like it.
2007-03-26