need to knoe for the multiple poegasam 2.0 round 10 contest


which is better

which is better


Wildfire


where is it
who did it
why

flames like a beast
dancing in the night
grasping for the stars
teasing jumping back and forth
tring to cross the line
climbing trees
desperate not to die
out on a limb
to the other side
desperate not to die

groundpounders
dozers
greenhorns
and vets
all working side by side
desperate not to die

rumbling
rolling flames
lighing up the sky
claming every thing
almost as if saying
"I am here, this is mine"

yellow and green
uniforms
bluring around
with rakes in hand
waging a war
of their own kind
desperate not to die

dozers
crawling through the unclamed
making a road
around the beast as they go
desperate not to die

finnaly after hours and days
the beast is caged
and every one is going home
happy to be alive


OR


You came to me one day,
Said you had somthang to say
you had that look in your eye
like you were going to cry

when you said those two words my eyes filled with tears
and I fell to my knees in joy and fear
we talked about our future as we lie in your room
we talked about what would happen soon

nine months later you said "Its time"
I looked at my watch and it was a quater past nine
when we got to the hospitel they rushed you in
It was thirty minuts later when they ran out again

when the came back they blocked off the door
they were in there for an hour or more
then the doctor came out he started to frown
then he said"you better sit down"

He had a weird look in his eye
he said "I'm sorry But ...they are both going to die
weve done all we can
its now out of our hands"

I fell to my knees my eyes filled with tears
we're suposed to be together for many more years
my fist clenched and I started to cry
how can this happen it must be a lie

I'm sitting here now just drinking a beer
and wiping my eyes as they start to tear
I'm tring not to think of all the times that I've cried
becouse of the day that my two babies died

I found a shotgun and I bought some shells
I've got to get out of this living hell
sooner or later they'll find my body laing cold on the floor
baby we'll be together just like before

I loaded the gun with only one bullet
finger on the trigger all I have to do is cock is and pull it
CLICK CLICK...




Poetry by Visoconti
Read 604 times
Written on 2007-03-27 at 07:12

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Kathryn Watson
Definitely Wildfire. The idea was clear and made me think about how both the fire and man were desperate not to die. I don't think I considered a fire in that way before. The choas of the fight. etc.
The 2nd had a moving and powerful subject but did not seem quite as polished when compared to the first.
Your opinion is the one that matters most though.
Enjoyed the read. Thank you.
2007-03-27