A raw prayer of grief, moral struggle, and devotion, voiced by a son confronting family harm, personal responsibility, and an unwavering commitment to justice and God.
They shelter themselves in their salah, performing it five times a day.
I do not even perform one salah a day, and yet my life is filled with the weight of my past choices, my current choices, and fear of future wrong choices.
I was among the greater wrongdoers until I said no.
I gave up my life for those I wished to shield, shelter, and help—and yet I became among the wrongdoers.
I refused to speak to the face that I hated.
I escaped that face every time it was present.
I escaped it out of fear. I escaped it for many reasons.
Even now, I despise that face.
It was the first face I was conscious of that physically harmed me.
And it was supposed to be the face that protected me and shielded me.
And here I ask God:
Did You plan my suffering before I was born?
Did You plan my suffering before I was created?
Is this Your plan for me, God?
Why could You not have made me an orphan—fatherless and motherless?
You knew who I would grow up with and what would happen to me.
Why could You not shield me from the evil that was part of my own flesh?
And yet all of Your creation, God, is part of the same flesh.
Have You not seen me when I prayed to You, Lord?
Have You not seen my love for You—my face and my heart amazed by Your magnificence?
Have You not seen me when I was alone and unaware of Your presence?
Surely You do not hate me.
Surely You love me.
Surely You find me righteous, a good man, and innocent.
I do not call myself innocent.
I have made wrongful choices.
I have tried to imitate evildoers to understand how they see the world.
I am among those who say that evildoers suffer great pain,
but they suffer because of their continuous wrongful choices.
Have I not come to them and offered a solution?
Have I not come to them and offered them Your name and Your books—
the Qur’an, Christianity, Buddhism?
I do not know Judaism well,
but have I not heard that the names of the prophets exist in the Torah?
Have I not spoken of the Torah as a book that does not value deception or evil?
Have I not tried to serve in righteousness?
Lord, I am not Your Jesus.
I am not the Jesus of this world.
I am not the second coming.
What do You want from me, Lord?
Do You want me to fight for justice and stand with justice?
Do You want me to expose wrongdoers to authority and fight for justice?
I do not want this world to be corrupt, Lord.
I will stand for justice even if it is against my own blood.
Will You burden me with a son, daughter, or wife who will be among wrongdoers?
Or will You bless me with a son, daughter, and wife who are among the righteous—
who will guide me toward righteousness
and expose my wrong, criminal, sinful, and immoral choices?
Speak to me, Lord.
Speak to me and do not abandon me.
Speak to me as a human.
Make me human, and not Your antichrist.
I have forsaken all of existence, even my own.
Now I seek Your refuge—and Your refuge alone.
I have taken goodness as my compass,
and I will not give it up,
even if the lord of the wrongdoers is evil.
I have not bowed to a god who values or encourages evil,
even if that lord claims to be a lord—
that lord is not my Lord.
My Lord is not evil, Lord.
My Lord is not evil.
Please, my Lord—you know my heart.
I ask You to make me among those who follow the true Lord.
Do not place me among the company of those who have made me,
my younger brother, and those I love into wrongdoers.
I am a man in pain because I cannot expose those who are wrongdoers.
I value their safety and their lives.
These wrongdoers have taken God as a blind and silent lord,
because they know their choices are wrong,
yet they hide behind justification to get what they want.
They call these choices acceptable
because their imam has justified them.
Please, Lord,
do not accompany me with people who are not among Your children.
They are Your creation—you are their Creator—
but their hearts are not filled with Your name or Your spirit.
Do not accompany me with them on earth or in the Hereafter,
for I do not accept them.
My mercy does not encompass all things—
only Your mercy does.
Do not accompany me with them even if they receive Your mercy,
for I have seen their hearts.
It is only Your mercy that saves them,
not their choices.
Do not make me among the souls
who have deliberately destroyed my health—
and still do—
from childbirth until now.
Do not accompany me with them,
and do not make me remember their existence in the Hereafter.
Make me free from their spirit.
Bring me closer only to Your spirit,
to Your light,
and to every place where Your light comforts Your creation.
And if You have shown mercy to those wrongdoers
who have split my spirit,
then do not accompany me with them.
Give them what they seek,
but do not give them any part of my spirit.
Make me free from their spirit.
Protect me, Lord, in the Hereafter.
Protect me from all of Your creation,
and comfort me only with Your light and Your spirit.
For You are truly the only One
who comforts eternally.
Poetry by Hurt
Read 29 times
Written on 2026-01-05 at 20:22
Tags Grief Justice Devotion
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Write a comment (requires login)
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A Grieving Son
A grieving son grieving for his family, who are among wrongdoers.They shelter themselves in their salah, performing it five times a day.
I do not even perform one salah a day, and yet my life is filled with the weight of my past choices, my current choices, and fear of future wrong choices.
I was among the greater wrongdoers until I said no.
I gave up my life for those I wished to shield, shelter, and help—and yet I became among the wrongdoers.
I refused to speak to the face that I hated.
I escaped that face every time it was present.
I escaped it out of fear. I escaped it for many reasons.
Even now, I despise that face.
It was the first face I was conscious of that physically harmed me.
And it was supposed to be the face that protected me and shielded me.
And here I ask God:
Did You plan my suffering before I was born?
Did You plan my suffering before I was created?
Is this Your plan for me, God?
Why could You not have made me an orphan—fatherless and motherless?
You knew who I would grow up with and what would happen to me.
Why could You not shield me from the evil that was part of my own flesh?
And yet all of Your creation, God, is part of the same flesh.
Have You not seen me when I prayed to You, Lord?
Have You not seen my love for You—my face and my heart amazed by Your magnificence?
Have You not seen me when I was alone and unaware of Your presence?
Surely You do not hate me.
Surely You love me.
Surely You find me righteous, a good man, and innocent.
I do not call myself innocent.
I have made wrongful choices.
I have tried to imitate evildoers to understand how they see the world.
I am among those who say that evildoers suffer great pain,
but they suffer because of their continuous wrongful choices.
Have I not come to them and offered a solution?
Have I not come to them and offered them Your name and Your books—
the Qur’an, Christianity, Buddhism?
I do not know Judaism well,
but have I not heard that the names of the prophets exist in the Torah?
Have I not spoken of the Torah as a book that does not value deception or evil?
Have I not tried to serve in righteousness?
Lord, I am not Your Jesus.
I am not the Jesus of this world.
I am not the second coming.
What do You want from me, Lord?
Do You want me to fight for justice and stand with justice?
Do You want me to expose wrongdoers to authority and fight for justice?
I do not want this world to be corrupt, Lord.
I will stand for justice even if it is against my own blood.
Will You burden me with a son, daughter, or wife who will be among wrongdoers?
Or will You bless me with a son, daughter, and wife who are among the righteous—
who will guide me toward righteousness
and expose my wrong, criminal, sinful, and immoral choices?
Speak to me, Lord.
Speak to me and do not abandon me.
Speak to me as a human.
Make me human, and not Your antichrist.
I have forsaken all of existence, even my own.
Now I seek Your refuge—and Your refuge alone.
I have taken goodness as my compass,
and I will not give it up,
even if the lord of the wrongdoers is evil.
I have not bowed to a god who values or encourages evil,
even if that lord claims to be a lord—
that lord is not my Lord.
My Lord is not evil, Lord.
My Lord is not evil.
Please, my Lord—you know my heart.
I ask You to make me among those who follow the true Lord.
Do not place me among the company of those who have made me,
my younger brother, and those I love into wrongdoers.
I am a man in pain because I cannot expose those who are wrongdoers.
I value their safety and their lives.
These wrongdoers have taken God as a blind and silent lord,
because they know their choices are wrong,
yet they hide behind justification to get what they want.
They call these choices acceptable
because their imam has justified them.
Please, Lord,
do not accompany me with people who are not among Your children.
They are Your creation—you are their Creator—
but their hearts are not filled with Your name or Your spirit.
Do not accompany me with them on earth or in the Hereafter,
for I do not accept them.
My mercy does not encompass all things—
only Your mercy does.
Do not accompany me with them even if they receive Your mercy,
for I have seen their hearts.
It is only Your mercy that saves them,
not their choices.
Do not make me among the souls
who have deliberately destroyed my health—
and still do—
from childbirth until now.
Do not accompany me with them,
and do not make me remember their existence in the Hereafter.
Make me free from their spirit.
Bring me closer only to Your spirit,
to Your light,
and to every place where Your light comforts Your creation.
And if You have shown mercy to those wrongdoers
who have split my spirit,
then do not accompany me with them.
Give them what they seek,
but do not give them any part of my spirit.
Make me free from their spirit.
Protect me, Lord, in the Hereafter.
Protect me from all of Your creation,
and comfort me only with Your light and Your spirit.
For You are truly the only One
who comforts eternally.
Poetry by Hurt
Read 29 times
Written on 2026-01-05 at 20:22
Tags Grief Justice Devotion
Save as a bookmark (requires login) Write a comment (requires login) Send as email (requires login) Print text
