A confessional and devotional reflection on divine presence, human desire, spiritual struggle, and the pursuit of closeness to God, while navigating temptation, fear, and guidance.
Surely, Lord, have You not sent me people who have been present during my pain? And surely, Lord, have You not seen me abandon one of them—if not two of them without my awareness, or three of them, or four—without my awareness? But surely You have seen me abandon one of them, Lord.
Was she not an amazing person, my Lord? Has she not sinned when I wanted to sin with her? And yet she sinned and I sinned, but was I not the one who sinned first and included her in my sin?
Was she not present on my phone when I involved her in my sinful thoughts? Surely she was with me on my phone, and surely she engaged with my sinful thoughts and words, Lord. But has she not stood by me in my sins, Lord? Has she not stood by me, Lord, and called me attractive? Did she not like me—my personality, or my character, or my existence, Lord? Surely she did.
And what did I tell her in the end, Lord? Did I not ghost her by deleting my social media to avoid her, Lord? Did I not do that because I realized I could not be with her, because she looked different, Lord, that her physical appearance was not attractive to me, Lord?
But surely her spirit was mine, Lord. Now I miss her spirit, Lord. Her spirit, Lord, is inside me as if I have devoured her. She is in my breath, in my mouth, Lord.
Do I not deserve her, Lord? Surely I would make her my wife and guide myself and her toward righteousness with our children if I were united with her, Lord. Will You not unite me with her, Lord? Surely I see her as a wife for me, Lord—or do You have other plans for me, Lord? Or do You protect me from what is not good for me, Lord?
Surely You are the Lord, our Lord, and nothing exists outside Your will, and nothing moves without Your permission. Surely You hold this existence, Lord. Surely nothing moves without Your permission, Lord.
But You have not advocated or encouraged evil, Lord. You allowed its existence, or else it would not exist. Did You not make that a test for Your believers, Lord? Surely the Qur’an speaks that evil is a test for the faithful and the believers.
Surely, Lord, have You not shown Your mercy to corrupted souls? Surely they can never replace You, Lord—but are they not trying? Surely they are trying by performing evil deeds and living in evil deeds while performing their five daily salah to avoid eternal Hellfire.
Have they made a deal with You, Lord? Surely You are not associated with evil, Lord. And surely You are not associated with anything or anyone. Surely You are not accompanied by anything or anyone. Surely You are self-sustaining, and You are unlike anything—yet we are only blessed to be aware of You.
Have they claimed that You exist inside them, Lord? Have they claimed to see You or speak to You? I have claimed to see Your presence, Lord, when in actuality what is called Your presence is what You have given me. And You have given me blessing when I mention You with all of me. You have shown me light when I mention You with all of me.
Surely I do not say that this is Your presence, Lord, for You do not sit with what exists. And You do not need to exist like anything that exists or anything that does not exist, because You are unlike anything and unlike nothing, as nothing or anything can relate to You.
Surely, Lord, You cannot relate to anything, and I will say that You are One.
Poetry by Hurt
Read 27 times
Written on 2026-01-05 at 22:03
Tags Devotion Spirituality Guidance
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Complete Remembrance
I take joy in writing texts, Lord, and I hope readers find them interesting. I take joy in cleansing my soul, Lord, because those closest to me refuse to be in my presence when my pain is revealed.Surely, Lord, have You not sent me people who have been present during my pain? And surely, Lord, have You not seen me abandon one of them—if not two of them without my awareness, or three of them, or four—without my awareness? But surely You have seen me abandon one of them, Lord.
Was she not an amazing person, my Lord? Has she not sinned when I wanted to sin with her? And yet she sinned and I sinned, but was I not the one who sinned first and included her in my sin?
Was she not present on my phone when I involved her in my sinful thoughts? Surely she was with me on my phone, and surely she engaged with my sinful thoughts and words, Lord. But has she not stood by me in my sins, Lord? Has she not stood by me, Lord, and called me attractive? Did she not like me—my personality, or my character, or my existence, Lord? Surely she did.
And what did I tell her in the end, Lord? Did I not ghost her by deleting my social media to avoid her, Lord? Did I not do that because I realized I could not be with her, because she looked different, Lord, that her physical appearance was not attractive to me, Lord?
But surely her spirit was mine, Lord. Now I miss her spirit, Lord. Her spirit, Lord, is inside me as if I have devoured her. She is in my breath, in my mouth, Lord.
Do I not deserve her, Lord? Surely I would make her my wife and guide myself and her toward righteousness with our children if I were united with her, Lord. Will You not unite me with her, Lord? Surely I see her as a wife for me, Lord—or do You have other plans for me, Lord? Or do You protect me from what is not good for me, Lord?
Surely You are the Lord, our Lord, and nothing exists outside Your will, and nothing moves without Your permission. Surely You hold this existence, Lord. Surely nothing moves without Your permission, Lord.
But You have not advocated or encouraged evil, Lord. You allowed its existence, or else it would not exist. Did You not make that a test for Your believers, Lord? Surely the Qur’an speaks that evil is a test for the faithful and the believers.
Surely, Lord, have You not shown Your mercy to corrupted souls? Surely they can never replace You, Lord—but are they not trying? Surely they are trying by performing evil deeds and living in evil deeds while performing their five daily salah to avoid eternal Hellfire.
Have they made a deal with You, Lord? Surely You are not associated with evil, Lord. And surely You are not associated with anything or anyone. Surely You are not accompanied by anything or anyone. Surely You are self-sustaining, and You are unlike anything—yet we are only blessed to be aware of You.
Have they claimed that You exist inside them, Lord? Have they claimed to see You or speak to You? I have claimed to see Your presence, Lord, when in actuality what is called Your presence is what You have given me. And You have given me blessing when I mention You with all of me. You have shown me light when I mention You with all of me.
Surely I do not say that this is Your presence, Lord, for You do not sit with what exists. And You do not need to exist like anything that exists or anything that does not exist, because You are unlike anything and unlike nothing, as nothing or anything can relate to You.
Surely, Lord, You cannot relate to anything, and I will say that You are One.
Poetry by Hurt
Read 27 times
Written on 2026-01-05 at 22:03
Tags Devotion Spirituality Guidance
Save as a bookmark (requires login) Write a comment (requires login) Send as email (requires login) Print text
