This is my novel that I am writing and I wanted to know what you think. Its not finished but I wanted to get some ideals on what can be improved or some changes. Thank you. All critiques will be accepted.


Unsuspecting Betrayal (Revised)

It was a warm summer night. The kind of night that would make a child wish it would never end. The sound of the nightly police cars could be heard from every corner of New York. The train pulled into the station around 12:00 a.m. Screeching wheels echoed through the empty train station. The train station was close to empty as the passengers left the car in a hurry. One man who looked to be in his thirties was the last on to exit. His eyes were dark brown like the leaves on the tree in early winter. His body was upright; he was slim for his age, His face was worn like the pages of a children's bedtime story, he looked to be a smoker. As he walked up the stairs to Walker Ave, a scruffy old man gave him an evil glare. As he continued up the stairs, he said hello to a couple of other people. They gave him the cold shoulder. He couldn't figure out why people were ignoring him everywhere he went. He tried to think a couple of years back but everything was a blur. He was in a car accident and had very bad memory loss. He didn't understand what happened in his past that affected his future so deeply. His name is John Temple and this is his story.

Chapter 1- Step Back

As John walked home, he stopped by Mick's the local diner at the corner of Walker. He stepped inside the diner for a Banana cream pie and some coffee. The bartender or Wendy came up to take his order. "Don't see a lot of people this early in the morning." She said with a soft voice. He thought about what she said and then responded. "Yeah, the train ride here took hours, wanted to get home before the rain set in." She understood where he was coming from. She brought over his order and he started to eat. "You're ok with this?" she stated. "With what?" He looked puzzled. "With coming here." "Why wouldn't I come here?" He pondered, he couldn't figure out what was the problem with him coming into the diner. "I thought you wouldn't be showing your face after what went down five years ago." He tried to think back but it's as if that a part of his life was erased from existence. He then said, "I really can't remember what happened. I only remember waking up in the hospital with the doctor telling me that I was in a very bad car accident." She than said, "Ok, I'll explain it to you." She pulled up a bar stool from near her and sat down. John was happy to know that he would be able to figure out what happened such a long time ago.

"You used to work at P.C.I or Parson Cantron Industries. They specialize in computers and network consulting. You were very close to the president of the company, Elliot Menpon. Elliot was old, too old to be running a big, global company like P.C.I. he offered you strength, he offered you control he offered you power. One of your friends, Peter Dryson, wanted you to accept Elliot's offer. You weren't in such a hurry to take the position but after weeks of pressure from Peter, you finally gave in. So weeks later channel six and every other news station in New York had Elliot's step down on the news. Everyone was watching it. You had become the new company president. You were very happy about the promotion. Weeks went by as you learned to handle such a responsible position. Peter was always trying to do everything for you. Open doors for you, buy you food. He was always trying to suck up to you. I never trusted him. It got later in the year and it was wintertime again. New York was hit with an outbreak of the flu. You caught it and were out sick for a week and a half. You had to find someone to fill in for you for the time being. Peter was the first person in line to beg you for the job." John tried to remember everything that Wendy was telling him but it was all a big blur.

"You being the president and knowing Peter as a good friend gave him temporary control. That was the biggest mistake you could have ever made. With you out of the picture for a little while, he began to take funds out of the company and store them in an offshore account. He would then use the money to pay off his debts and spend freely. When you got better and went back to work you were immediately alerted that the company's funds were depleting a very fast rate. You looked into the crisis but couldn't find a connection between you being sick and the money suddenly disappearing. Days went by and it didn't get any better it got worse. They started to wonder why the company couldn't figure out the problem. They started to question what you were doing. They thought you were running the company the whole time. After a while, the company thought it was you. They took the presidents title away and gave it to Peter. Peter acted surprised when he heard the news. They appointed him because his resume was flawless. With you gone permanently, he could easily bring the company closer and closer to bankruptcy. With all the companies money in an offshore account he could easily quit and never be seen again. You never got a fair trail for being falsely accused. No one ever spoke of it again.

The company went bankrupt a few months later and went out of business. On you way home from a restaurant; it was very rainy in the road. At the same time, another driver was coming from a bar drunk. As the light turned from red to green you stepped on the gas and kept going forward, the other driver didn't stop. He slammed head on into your car. The drunk driver was killed instantly. You were pretty banged up. A man walking his dog saw the accident first hand. He immediately called 9-1-1. The ambulance rushed you to the hospital. You had a fifty- fifty chance of living. The doctor said you had suffered a broken leg, arm, fractured rib, and severe head trauma. You were released from the hospital weeks later. You had to go to a special center to learn how to walk again. That's what happened." It was around two thirty in the morning when the story was finished. "Seems like a lot of stuff went down along time ago." He said, you could hear the fatigue in his voice. "So my best friend framed me for a crime I didn't commit." This made him wide-awake. "Yep, what can you really do about it?" "I can prove it was Peter who set me up." John got up, paid for his meal, and was about to leave when Wendy caught his attention. "John, Peter left town four years ago; he now lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. He went there to spend his stolen wealth." "Thanks for telling me, bye." She said bye as she went into the kitchen. John left the diner with a new mission in mind. Find Peter, revive the company, and save his reputation.

Chapter 2- A Quest Out West

John finally made it home to try to get some sleep but he couldn't. The fact that his friend had used him to gain access to the company's funds made him furious. He knew he should have had better judgment when finding a replacement. "Look where it got me. Peter is in Las Vegas having the time of hit life, P.C.I. is out of business, and people think I'm the cause of it. I owe it to myself and the public to prove I wasn't the one who ripped of the company." John got up from his bed and took out his laptop, and he did a search for Peter Dryson, He thought he could find something on the web; he was surprised to fins that Peter now owns his own chain of casinos. "He calls them X he was always a math person. It says here that the casinos were built in 2000 a year after he fled New York. The casinos got popular a couple of months after the grand opening. Lets see says here that Peter is throwing a V.I.P party in the penthouse Suite of his casino on the fifteenth of September. You can only get in by invitation only. I need to figure out a way to get an invitation to this party and causally blend in with everyone else." John looked for a flight and after two hours, he found one. The party was scheduled to be held a week after his arrival. "I got my ticket, I'll get my clothes packed and it's off to Las Vegas."

Chapter 3- The City of Lights

John left New York around five P.M; the flight to Nevada took about three hours. He touched down in Las Vegas around eight P.M Eastern Time. As the plane flew over the mountains, the strip was easily visible. The plane landed in Mc Carran Airport very smoothly. As John got off the plane, he went to the baggage claim to get his luggage. After receiving his things, went outside the airport to where the limos were. He looked for his limo and then noticed a man holding up a sign that said "Temple" on it. John then confronted the driver and got into the limo. The limo then exited the airport, got on to the fifteen and drove to The Mirage. John always wanted to stay here. He checked into the hotel and found his room. He was tired from the trip. He unpacked his things and had a well-deserved rest. He had never been to Las Vegas before and wanted to take in all it had to offer. He visited Mandalay Bay, Paris, Bellagio, MGM Grand, The stratosphere, and many other big hotels around the Strip. John didn't notice how fast time flew by as it was already the end of the week. The party was on Saturday, which was tomorrow. He would meet the person who ruined his life; he would come face to face with Peter Dryson.

Chapter 4- Just Trying to Blend In

John woke up early Saturday morning. He got breakfast from room service and headed out towards the Strip. He knew tonight was Peter's big V.I.P party and needed a way to get in. "There are a few ways to gain entry to this party. I could dress like someone whose delivering food to the party. However, they may ask for some identification so I may not try that. I could sneak in the back entrance and get in that way. No, that's too risky the place is surrounded by security. I think the best way to get in would be with someone else. Like a waiter or waitress or a dancer. Yeah that sounds like a plan." John knew how he would finally get in; take a gamble getting in with someone else. He also wanted to look the part so he went out looking for a costume or disguise. He found a place called "Stars" they specialize in costumes for any occasion. He entered the store and was greeted by the store clerk.

"Hello welcome to Stars how may I be of assistance?" The clerk was very eager to help. "Do you have any costumes?" This question had an obvious answer. The clerk replied, "This is Stars we have any costume from Halloween to a special get together or party." John was pleased to hear this he then asked, "I need a costume that makes me look like a chef or a waiter." The clerk then showed John the many costumes to choose from. John ended choosing a waiter costume. He went up to the checkout and paid for his disguise. With that over with, he left the store. "The parties at nine so I have some time before I have to go." John then went to other shopping malls to look for other accessories to go with his waiter outfit. After that, he went back to The Mirage to try on hid disguise. Fits like a glove he said to himself. Time passed quickly and it was already time for the party. John had on his waiter costume and had left his room. He then proceeded to go to the parking garage. He got in his rental car and was off to the penthouse party at X.

Chapter 5- An Interesting Encounter

When John got down to the casino, the parking lot was packed. There was security everywhere. John found a place to park in the back of the parking lot. He got out of the car and tried to sneak past the guards to get to the back of the casino. He managed to get past with some luck. He tried to find an open door or someway to get in. He found an open door and heard a sizzling sound coming from inside. He had a hunch where the doors lead. He opened the door to find it lead to a kitchen. "What luck with me being a waiter and this being a kitchen I could easily blend in." He walked onside to find a table. It had on it a notepad for orders, a tray for carrying food, and a pen. He collected these items and headed out to where the guests where dining. Before he entered the dining room, he overheard two people talking. "Hey where's Peter?" "He's up in the penthouse; he has every single girl he invited up there. Always was trying to be a player." The two people left. "According to this list on the wall only selected people are allowed in the penthouse.

There are only two ways to get up there. By using the elevator or by using the stairs. Using the elevator would be too obvious, better take the stairs." When no one was looking, he snuck over to the doorways that lead to the staircase. The penthouse was at the top of the casino. From the bottom floor to the penthouse was about five flights of stairs. Luckily, security was guarding the outside of the casino. There were two guards standing outside the entrance to the penthouse but John would deal with that when the time came. As he made his way up the stairs he couldn't believe he was about to come face to face with Peter. He hadn't seen him in over five years. When he got to the top, he cracked open the door and saw the guards. There had to be a way to distract the guards. He found an object on the ground and was going to throw it past the guards to distract them. As he was about to throw it the TV screen in the hallway came on. The announcer then said, "For all the men in the casino come on down. The dancers are putting on a special performance for you. Don't miss this once in a lifetime experience." Not a second after the announcer finished the guards vanished.

"You'll never find a guy who isn't a sucker for a woman in lingerie." John made his way over to the door that said "Penthouse Suite". He knocked on the door. A voice said from inside "Who is it?" John responded in a muffled voice. "It's the waiter I'm here to offer you a tasty treat from my dessert tray." The voice responded back. "Your not allowed to be on this floor please leave!" John tried again. "Please don't send me away. It took me so long to get up here. Can I please come in?" The voice replied, "Come in if you must." John grabbed a hold of the doorknob and entered the room. The room was filled with all kinds of sultry women. Peter didn't notice John enter. He then did something he has wanted to do for years. He gave Peter a powerful uppercut to the mouth. He fell right onto the table in front of him. "You son of a gun!" John yelled at him. It took Peter a couple of seconds to get his focus back. "What the hell do you-." He was cut off when he looked up and saw John. He knew who he was as soon as he looked at him. "John, John is that you?" "Yeah it's me thought you'd never see me again huh?" Peter replied, "What are you doing here, how did you find me, how did you-." John cut him off in mid sentence. "How could you ruin my life?" "I never ruined-." "Shut up, you got me fired; you stole the funds from the company which I got blamed for by the way. The company went out of business and then you fled New York to come to Las Vegas.

You then started your own chain of casinos and just have the time of your life." Peter then admitted what he did. "Yes it was me. You were a pawn in my plan to get rid of that company" John had a puzzled look on his face. "But why Peter why?" "Years ago when I used to love in New York, Elliot was handing the presidents position to someone else, I was always there for Elliot all the time. I was a perfect candidate for the job. But no, he didn't choose me he choose you. You never did anything for him!" John snapped back, "That's not true; I came to work everyday which is more than I can say for you. Every sick day you were given was used up in the first half of the year. You never cared about Elliot; all you cared about was being top dog of the company. When I accepted the job that must have really ticked you off. You wanted revenge. When I got sick and I appointed you temporary president what a perfect opportunity. Besides no body else knew you were in the captains chair. In that small duration of time you drained the company of almost all theirs profits. When I came back, the company was freaking out. They had no idea what hit them. They assumed that I was running the company the whole time. They thought it was I who stole the profits. Therefore, they fired me, you left and skipped town to Las Vegas. The company went bankrupt and went out of business. Not soon after I was in a very bad car accident. I had bad memory loss. I learned about the company and all of the events that happened from my honest friend Wendy Shome. I looked you on the internet and I checked out. You opened up your own chain of casinos. I flew out to Las Vegas to confront you. Here I am, I want you to confess and turn yourself in to the police." Peter had a sly look on his face. "I'd never turn myself in. Everyone already believes you're the one responsible for the company going bankrupt. Nice try though. Guards come up to the penthouse suite. I have a surprise for you." The guards were coming up to get him. John had to think fast.

Chapter 6- The Escape

The guards kicked open the door and grabbed John. "Guards take this fool down to the basement!" "Yes boss." The Guard responded. As the guards were about to leave the room John said, "Hey guards watch this." The guards looked down to see John give them a swift kick to the groin. The guards went down like rocks falling off a mountain. He rushed out the door and down the flight of stairs like a bolt of lightning. Security came after him they chased him through him through the casino. He was jumping over crap and blackjack tables. He would have gone through the kitchen but it was to far away. Therefore, he dashed through the front entrance of the casino. Security was closing in on him. People were shocked to see this. John needed an escape vehicle. The closest thing he could find was a motorcycle that was left running. He jumped on it as fast as he could. He hit the gas and sped out of the parking lot leaving the security in his dust. The Mirage was too public so John stayed in a motel overnight. John needed to figure out what to do after the stunt he just pulled.

Chapter 7- A New Ally

John spent the night at a motel. The Mirage was too public. Peter had put a warrant out for his arrest. The police were on the search for the man who had assaulted Peter. He was wanted for assault and battery. The visit to Las Vegas had gotten completely out of control. Just then, he heard a knock on the door. John went to go see who it was. When he opened a skinny, blonde woman with blue eyes was revealed. John was surprised someone had found him. "Hello miss, how may I help you?" She responded in a soft voice "hello my name is Brandy, Brandy Sparks and I followed you here. May I come in?" Being polite, he let her in. "Why did you follow me here?" She replied, "I had to follow you after the pandemonium that was caused down at the casino. Please tell me what's bothering you." John then said, "I can't tell you it's a long story plus I don't know you. You could be working for my enemy Peter." She thought about what I said and then responded. "Its ok I don't work for Peter. I just want to help you." John still had his doubts. "Give me one good reason why I should trust you. Brandy replied," You have no reason to trust me but what do you think would be best for you to do.?" The fatigue got the best of him. "Ok I will tell you." John explained everything to Brandy. What went down in New York, the trip out to Las Vegas, his attempt to get into the casino. "Thanks for telling me. I know it was a big risk." John felt relieved hearing this. "Well you're someone I feel I can trust." She then said, "If you only understood." "Understood what?" She quickly replied "Oh nothing." With that, John said goodbye to Brandy. "Will I ever see you again?" John asked willingfully. She responded, "You'll see plenty of me." With that, Brandy walked off into the darkness.

Chapter 8 - Trying to Play Both Sides of the Field.

The next morning John left the motel on his motorcycle. He thought enough time had passed to go out again. The casino was packed during the hours of seven to eleven. He decided to go back to the casino during the day. Not only because there was less security during the day but it was also not so crowded. John managed to get to the casino without being seen by any police officers. As he pulled into the parking lot, he decided to park the motorcycle behind some bushes. After doing so, he snuck in the same entrance as he did the night before. The kitchen was completely empty. From the look of the parking lot, the casino was closed. John was right the casino was closed. As John peered his head out of the kitchen, he saw Peter and a blonde haired woman talking in the lobby. "So did you follow him?" The blonde-haired woman responded, "Yes I did, he wondered who I was at first but then opened up and told me everything." Peter was pleased to hear this. "Excellent see what other information you can get out of him." Will do." Peter had feelings for the flirtations Brandy. He showed these feelings now. "Brandy let me take you out for a night on the town my treat." She responded quickly "I'll get back to you on that." The two then left the lobby. "I can't believe it I told my entire story to Brandy. She knows what my motives are. I should have not invited some strange women into my room. I should have had better judgment. These things keep happening to me. With Brandy telling Peter everything I plan to do, he can be one step ahead of me." John had an epiphany. "Wait a second Brandy doesn't know that I know she works for Peter. I could use this to my advantage." John then left the casino, got on his motorcycle, and rode back to the hotel.

Chapter 9 Whose Side are You On?

When John got back to the motel, he decided what his next move would be. "Now that I know she works for Peter I could tell her anything and she would accept it as true. I need to find her. First, I'll "accidentally" run into her and then invite her to lunch. She'll start asking me questions and I'll be giving her bogus answers. We'll see who the fool is now." John headed out and was riding around on his motorcycle. While riding around he saw a new department store having their grand opening. The name of the store was "Crystals." They sell clothes and jewelry store. "This is a perfect I know Brandy would never say no to anything having to do with shopping for clothes." He pulled into the parking lot and parked his motorcycle. Many people shuffled into the store. John walked in with everyone. When he got inside, he could not believe how gigantic the place was. He ventured around the store looking for Brandy. After twenty minutes of looking, he found her in the Lingerie department. "Hope you don't plan on doing any favors for Peter." She turned around and was shocked to see John. "Are you kidding? I would never do that at, least not for him. How did you find me?" John answered "Grand opening of a clothes and jewelry store. You look like the kind of person who can't stay away form these things. Am I right?" "Yeah, I'm guilty I love any kind of shopping for clothes. So why did you come to find me, I'm pretty sure it's not so you can buy lingerie." John agreed with that. "I was looking for you because I wanted to take you out to lunch. I wanted to know if you were interested." "I would love to go out to lunch with you." John was pleased to hear this. John decided to ask, "What do you feel like eating?" "I have a weird craving for seafood. " Seafood it is how did you get down here?" She replied, "Oh Peter drove me down here." "Why did Peter drive you down here?" "He did it because he offered to please don't be angry with me." John replied, "I'm not angry with you. So are you ready to eat." She then said, "Yes I'm ready." With that, Brandy and John both left the store.

They both got on John's motorcycle and went looking for a seafood restaurant. After riding around for a while they finally found a restaurant that served seafood. It was called Under the sea-food. John pulled into the parking lot and parked the motorcycle. Brandy and John then went inside. The sign said seat yourself and they did so. They found a nice table over by the window and sat down. The waiter came over to take their order. "Hello, my name is Michael and I will be serving you today. What would like to order?" Brandy and John both looked through the menu and found something they liked. John ordered first. "I'll have the Cajun Shrimp Pasta." "Excellent choice sir and what will you be having?" Brandy then answered, "I'll have the Seafood Platter." "Good choice ma'am your meals will be out momentarily." The waiter then went to the kitchen. "So Brandy I've been thinking. I was so mad a Peter for framing me for that horrible incident that happened so many years ago that it really doesn't really matter anywhere." Brandy was startled to hear this. "So does this mean that you give up?" John responded in kind, "Yeah I give up this silly feud. I'm going to buy a plane ticket and going to be on the first plane back to New York." Just then, the waiter brought out their meals. "There you go enjoy." Michael then went to go seat other guests. Brandy then responded, "Well I'm glad you're willing to forget about this stupid ordeal. John then said, "You don't know the half of it." Brandy said quickly, "What did you say?" "Oh, nothing important. Since I invited you to lunch I'll pay the bill." Brandy then said, "Well that's nice of you." "It's only fair, hey look I gotta leave. There are some things that I have to take care of before I leave. Will Peter be picking you up?" "Yes he offered to." John then said his last good byes "Well I guess I'll see you later." Brandy responded with a good bye. John then left the restaurant to think up the next phase of his plan.

Chapter 10 Storming the Impregnable Gates

John knew that getting Brandy off his back was the least of his problems. He still had to figure out a way to frame Peter for the crime that was committed. He then had a brilliant idea. Why not become a banker. Being a banker would allow John to have access to everyone's account. It seemed like a perfect plan except for one problem. He would need to figure out a way to get Peter come to the bank if he got the job. John knew that Peter was a sucker for gifts. Therefore, the plan would be to somehow get a message to where Peter was for him to pick up a gift at the bank. John knew that from his conversation with the Brandy that Peter had went back to his estate. "I need to figure out some way to get a message to Peter or without him noticing me. Well first, I should figure out how to gain access to the state because Peter has the best security working for him. Looks like I am going to have to masquerade as someone again." After much thought John decided that, he was going to masquerade as a Security Analyst. Therefore, with no thought at all he rushed down to Stars once again find another outfit to wear.

The evening sun had started to set in Las Vegas and to Johns surprise Stars was packed. He eventually found out that Peter was throwing another Penthouse party and security was extra tight. This was not a concern to John, he need to gain access to Peter's mansion a few miles away from The Strip. The store clerk approached again and offered his services. "Hello again, are you finding everything ok?" John replied," For the most part but I need to know where I can find an outfit the match one of a Security Analyst." The clerk pointed him the right direction. John picked out the items he needed and paid accordingly. It seemed that the entire city had flocked to Peter's party. This would divert some of the Police attention since they still had a warrant out for him. He got on his motorcycle and drove to Peter's house using the back ways on The Strip. The address of his house was 4276 Oquendo Dr. "Peter always took pride in appearances, this house looks like something that a prince of Africa would have." Peter may have stabbed him in the back but he wasn't stupid. His house had top of the line security. John needed to figure out a way to gain access to the house. It was Saturday and Peter's mansion underwent its weekly check of the security system. The van was pulling up to the house and waiting at the gate for clearance to enter the grounds. John parked his motorcycle behind some of the shrubbery and snuck behind the van, careful not to alert the man driving the vehicle. He jumped on the back of the van and made his way up to the main driveway of the house. He hopped off the back of the van and quickly surveyed his surroundings.

The worker approached the door and rang the doorbell. A Swedish looking woman with brown hair answered. "Yes hello, Please state you reason for being here." The man quickly replied," Um yes my name is Dave; I am from Swensen Secure Inc. I do a very involved inspection of your security system. I make sure that all security cameras are working, all door and windows are equipped with alarms and that all main security system is up to date." The blonde women replied," Ok fine come in but make it quick, I'm cleaning the house and I want it to be spotless for when Peter gets home from his big party." "Oh no I won't need to come inside yet, the majority of my work is outside. Just leave the patio door open so that I can enter that way." The house cleaner said ok and went back inside. Dave made his way to the side yard to inspect the safety of the windows. John still being behind the van found his way into the house. Without any hesitation, he went in. He snuck up behind Dave and knocked him out with a karate chop to the neck. He went down hard. John dragged him into the pool house in the back corner of the backyard. He took his ID and his keys and then tied him up with the garden house next to the pool house. Then he looked him in the bathroom. John now had "reason" to enter the house of his "friend". He made his way back to the van grabbed some of the gadgets in the back, and then made his way into the house through the patio door.

As John stepped inside the house, he couldn't believe the amount of money that was spent on the extravagant and opulent interior. He saw the maid dusting the master bedroom and started thinking. "Now that I'm finally inside his dwellings, I need to leave that note for Peter to come to S&A Financial for his free membership." John made his way upstairs to the second of the master bedrooms. He entered and found Peter's laptop open on his desk with the printer beside it. John quickly typed the letter, making it official as it could be. He signed his name at the bottom and printed it out. He planned to leave the note on the welcome mat at the front door. Little did John know that Peter had set up silent alarms certain places in his house to notify him if they were set off. The closet happened to be one of them. John decided to check out the closet before he left. "I can't believe this. He has all types of records and documents from the company. Bank accounts, projections, stats, everything that made the company run.




Short story by Coolaaron88
Read 595 times
Written on 2006-08-14 at 23:31

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