This Path

Before this worn road before me
Lies a chance to succeed
And a time to reflect on
The past; more than that the present
Dreams that have yet to come true
Fallacies to admit at once
People to comfort because of mistakes
And one notion that follows...
Telling myself that the future waits
And the past settles is in fact false
Each step taken forward brings a sense
A sense of longing, desperation, and fear
Rightly so the past does in kind
Into the future and away from the past
Just as I walk away from the wrongs committed
I walk into a shroud of doubt and mystery
On this road the present seems to be safe
Yet I worry about the surrounding conditions
My uncertainties about the past and the future
Hold true in the present
With this understanding I know that the "road" in general
Has many more questions
Than I will ever be able to answer

Poetry by Coolaaron88
Read 509 times
Written on 2006-12-29 at 01:16

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tony legba
"shroud of doubt and mystery".
Shroud creates the mood of the add "doubt" and "mystery" simply paraphrases the image, tells the reader what to know, rather than let the reader sense. This over-writing makes the poetry heavy-handed moralising.
I read this and wait for the Damascus moment, but it never comes, only a common understanding: life has many unanswered questions. A "worn road" is not... suddenly...a place of revelation.
Beneath the fluent verbal mist, what exists?
Philosophical and metaphysical are terms I would give to Eliot's free-verse, but not to this, which is a collection of interesting personal speculations, but nothing more.

Language: 2
Format: 3
Mood: 3
Overall: 3

Kathy Lockhart
this is one of your best. well written. your ability for philosophical
thought and expression is beyond your years.