Just thinking out loud


Complicated Thoughts

Complicated thoughts flow from my mind
Today and tomorrow finally entwine
Each second thinking leads me to believe
That the bad flourish and the good deceive
The day dies and the night just the same
Is life but a dying flame

A piercing thought stuck in my brain

No it can't be so simple to do
Correct our loses through and through
Or an endless maze for us to wonder
Is life in turn an endless blunder
We seek to find and find at last
A mirror to view our lasting past
Each step forward a chance to reveal
Each step backward feels so unreal

No stopping times march on the world
Has the end of life been unfurled

When at last your mind is at peace

You've found in turn a calm release





Poetry by Coolaaron88
Read 989 times
Written on 2006-12-18 at 05:33

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weirdzarun
Such a building tension with pure creamy conclusion! Fantastic. I love it.
2007-05-23



I know these feelings all to well. Its put together very nicely and has a great flow! You are a great writer!!!
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for posting this
Sally

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2007-03-17


betsy
You have written about a topic that forever has kept the world turning and men guessing. You solved it well in the end.
Good rhymes, but your rhythm could be improved here and there ( count beats).
Your writing has potential and is worth the time going over and improving, I think.

betsy

Language: 4
Format: 3
Mood: 3
Overall: 4
2006-12-21



very deep aaron. it amazes me how you write so much and yet every poem is as good as the other. mine tend to get worse. you did a very good job on this.

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2006-12-19


tony legba
Well, you have a mind that runs almost as fast as you do track, I guess. This produces some good lines and some others which enter the poem too easily: "A chance to revive the nearly insane." It doesn't have a rhyme...sits awkwardly with the rhymes
"flame"/"same". Something similar happens with the rhythm. At times, it has a wonderful ease to it--like the first four lines--great opening. Then it has awkward lines: "Each step forward progress in motion" ///u/uu/u"and "Each step reversed drowning in the ocean" ///u/uuu/u. The second line runs away. BUT, you carry through an idea well and this is THINKING poetry, I mean, you are using poetry to think through an idea rather than use poetry to hammer out an idea that you have. A little more drafting would make a better poem still.

Language: 4
Format: 4
Mood: 4
Overall: 4
2006-12-19


Kathy Lockhart The PoetBay support member heart!
this has all great qualities Aaron from the rhythm, rhyme, and thought-provoking message well done!
2006-12-18


Teala
Ah-this sounds familiar-I know these feelings very well. Great poem, a lot to think about here.
2006-12-18