Till the End

Though my heart breaks
Everytime I see your eyes leaking red,
Somehow, I am unable to hold my tongue
And bite back my bitter remarks.
When I am with you,
I feel as if no conscience lies within me,
And although my brain screams at me stop,
I take no notice as I snap at you...
For everything,
For nothing.
I desperately wish to treat you
With the respect that you deserve,
But knowing that I just cannot
Fills me with more self-hatred,
More remorse,
Than one person should ever have to feel.
I feel sure that my soul is fit to burst.
All of these emotions seem so unnatural,
Especially as I experience them all at once.
Forgive me,
Forgive me,
For I have sinned.
Still, you love me no less,
Which makes this guilt even heavier,
And makes me even more pathetic.
The mass of all of this will surely kill me one day...
Unless I redeem myself.
But how?
I deserve no forgiveness.
I deserve nothing at all.
Perhaps, if I tried a bit harder,
Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Because I definitely cannot do this anymore:
Snapping at you,
And moments later,
Allowing pure dread and shame to settle in,
And completely captivate my thoughts.
I will no longer allow my love for you
To be dissolved by my lack of maturity.
I was wrong.
I am wrong.
I love you till the end,
And that is all that matters.




Poetry by Amanda Manmohan
Read 696 times
Written on 2006-04-23 at 20:19

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Esti D-G The PoetBay support member heart!
Don't worry, us females nearly all do the same thing to our loved ones! I know that you could have written this poem for me too.
loadsaluv esti
2006-04-24


Hasani
i love
I love
:).. mandapoo plz write more, you're fantastic
2006-04-23


Shas Ramlogan
I always knew you were emotional but the rawness of the poem surprised me. Your poetry spurred the vulnerability in me. Nice work.
2006-04-23


Troll
I relate to this. We all tend to lash out at those closest to us, maybe because it's safer, but that doesn't make it right. Well done. :)
2006-04-23