F.i.in.e Moods

Our story contained many pages

and the most surprising was the end

always believed love was for the ages

not something for you to use and bend

Ripped to shreds is all that was left

of our hearts when the illusion faded

never was I ever rendered so bereft

the day everything became so jaded

How the loss felt grossly insurmountable

I could never properly word it out for you

but everything that was respectable

suddenly fell away and apart from true

How the betrayal of trust soared

and the disbelief was difficult to bear

never thought you could make me so sore

and in a way you could never, you’d swear

I guess all of the promises you made

were just a matter for the moment

never mind I forgave your escapades

loved you even through the torment

Your eyes always convinced such sincerity

and I fell for every one of your apologies

Well, blame can only be bestowed upon me

I should have detected you had strategies

To think back on the pages of our story

it feels strange to remember the good

as though it was someone other than me

who had by you tried all that they could

Because that last page certainly clouded

every bit of worth to capture in memory

only natural for it all to have got shrouded

as a result of such shameless dishonesty

Still, I somehow manage a little smile

when the thought of us comes to mind

and how at one time you would beguile

while our hearts seemed to beat in kind

In these mad times

When it seems like

The worse of the worst

Makes its ugliness shine

And assaults our sensibilities,

There are many more others

Who bring their light

From the heart in

Precious kindness, and

Moving care for others.

It's beautiful, reassuring,

And my depth of gratitude

Cannot be worded justly.

Nonetheless, thank you.

This world often feels like

It could well do with more

Souls such as yours... 

Here it goes, thoughts about ending it all feel so now

When every other part inside screams it really isn't

Here we are, again in conflict with irrational and logical,

As the emotions down right smack it all down to base

Here I am, going over the same old story again

It just goes on and on whatever one does, doesn't it?

Silence can have many meanings

Suppose it's up to me to do the figuring

However this social guessing thing is played

Can't imagine I'll ever master it, sorry to say

She smiled and put her arms around him

A temporary respite from this world's whims

The written word is exceptional

At portraying and conveying

Many things, many thoughts

And musings, sometimes our

Experiences, also our creativity,

As well as our imaginations.

All those levels are limitless.

But for conversations, I struggle.

The missing tone of voice,

Facial expressions,

Body language,

And a person's eyes

Are sorely lacking cues for me,

Which creates a lot of uncertainty.

No, it's for sure.  It definitely

Wouldn't come as a shock or

Any sort of a surprise were you

To declare me a strange cookie.

What would, though,

Would be if you ever

Thought that I don't

Already know it...

My eldest son and I were sitting together in my room having one of our usual talks, when we talk about everything and nothing, just exchanging our thoughts. And we often find ourselves cracking up into laughing fits together.

During one of these moments, he was telling me how much he finds my multitude of facial expressions I apparently possess (he's not the first to say) absolutely cracking, and how some of my action-reaction on-the-spur quips to things I observe are too funny (hence why since early childhood he's always done things to get a facial expression out of me, some of which became a game between him and his brother to see who between the two of them could make me do a specific one!). He says the combination is priceless...

He then carried on recalling one of those moments explaining that I had gone to the fridge to retrieve the container of yogurt I like, and on it, there was a new design : they'd added the most stock image of a middle-aged man there possibly could be. Upon seeing it, my son says that my facial expression, followed by what came out of my mouth, made him crack up - and as he was telling me this, he was cracking up saying it was so random.

I said out of nowhere and quite instantly when I saw it :

« Quessé que M. Tout-le-monde fait sur mon yogourt ? »

"What's Mr. Everybody doing on my yogurt?"

It's ok to talk about your problems,

Or how you're teetering on the ledge.

In fact, most everyone encourages it.

However, make sure that it doesn't

Bring discomfort or helplessness to

The listener 'cause if that happens

You can be sure you'll be dropped

Like a hot potato landed in their hand.

So, talk away, but always remember:

They don't truly want to hear that stuff.

i'm not one to bitch, really,

but, FFS, what the hell is this

you've got to be kidding me

i carried and supported you

while you were in a total hole

so why are you doing this now

FFS, give me a break already

i've cared and looked after you

all while you never cared to do so

someday I hope you'll realize

that I did all that I could do

surely you realize it had to stop

love is not in question in this

so, don't dare to flip it my way

you know very well it's not me

concentrate your frustrations

on figuring out how to sort

your circumstances finally

it's got nothing to do with us

surely you already know that fact

so please, try to just get on with it

The wish is, if there was a way,

We'd disappear and go off

On our own to wherever time

Would see fit for the both of us.

'Cause what's on offer right now

It's nothing inspiring or uplifting

And I know the two of us deserve

Way better than all of this madness.

At some point, at some time, I guess,

We'll be able to accomplish this need.

Everything else is so unimportant

And so much of a repeating situation.

And while it's not to say that the world

That surrounds us is full of... you know.

At least you and I, that part is very real.

The best anyone could ever dream of.

So why through all of the happiness of us

The grips of this insidious state in me

Still has the power to annul everything.

It makes absolutely no sense, in reality.

So here were are.  Both of us beaten down.

Not by any thing in particular, just general.

And though we love each other greatly

We still haven't found how to be open

Without sending the other in a heap

Of worry and fear of what's to come.

That's just not on, but here we are.

We're each on our sides falling apart.