F.i.in.e Moods

he sat in a pondering moment

coming around to wondering

if the hint couldn't be any clearer

about how it'd be best to stay quiet

perhaps he's reading too much into it

considering his intimate connection

with silence always nagging for words

to dissipate the growing relentlessness

but these ponders are very much like 

a moment of reckoning wanting

its recognition as the fittest clue

that it's well time to trust inklings

the hint is flailing itself for attention:

it's really time he stayed quiet now

- alcohol ruined our relationship...

                      You abandoned me...

                                                                'cause you were ashamed of yourself.

I think my new upstairs neighbors

Might be body-building elephants

Who spend their time dropping

The weights to the floor...

Even when they walk around,

The light fixtures rattle.

I really don't know what they're

Doing up there, but it's noisy

As all hell down here, if not

Outright seizingly loud to make

You jump out of your skin.

If it's not dropped heavy objects,

It's spectacular blow outs with

Their child who must be throwing

Herself around the room in a tantrum,

In screaming fits of anger that resonate.

At first, we were worried for child abuse,

But quickly heard the nature of the screams

Only stem from an angry child blowing up.

Still, a lot of banging, dragging, dropping

And knocking on a constant basis, it's

Becoming nerve-wracking to get startled

So frequently just spending time home.

How do I broach the subject with them?

At least for the dropping of heavy objects.

My fear is to create ill-feelings between us.

It's so far from my intentions, but this is

Becoming problematic, and needs to stop,

Or at the least, be improved considerably.

I really need your advice on this one.

How would you go about it?

with a needle I popped every bubble

'cause it reminded me just how fragile

the constructs of life hang on a thread

and at any moment now it'll all vanish

it's a comfort to witness their finality

as my hopes reflect the same tone

and the song is on its last breathed

notes that used to be protected so

when it was important to not let them

dwindle out of existence in my space a

long time ago.  as for now, it's hard to tell

yesterday's twin, differently the same

so this needle represents much of my

attempts to leave it all behind, a power

I crave to bestow on all that keeps me

back from experiencing the finer aspects

I poke them all 'til there're none left

they carry the memories and haunts

and I annihilate them as they should've

been when pleading just never could do

there's much love left in me, but the

energy to pull it off is wearing thin

and by the day I get to wondering if

a chance will come my way to get free

it's one of those things for which you

can't tell in which way it'll ever go from

here, but as I dream and conjure better

worlds than this, I never let on it won't be

The greater intricacies

Are much to ponder.

So many parts with

So many questions.

And with this uncertainty

We'll still attempt to fill in 

The gaps where no

Words were assigned.

It's like the unknown is

Much too loud to bear.

So we'll naturally piece

It together to find sense.

However, speculations

Are hardly like the truth.

Yet, we're comforted

By them, it would seem.

- sponsorship & permanent residency application process... 

19 April 2019 to 25 February 2021... 

That's how long the process went on.

It really felt like it would never end.

But we got word today:  our application

Was successful!  Ma douce moitié is now

A legal Canadian resident, at long last.  

My cheeks are hurting!

The little boy's blond hair so light nearly glowed in the sun,

His eyes were a deep blue, and he was no older than four.

He was standing in front of his mother, arms crossed on

Himself, his little lips in a pout, all while protesting his

Innocence to her.  She had shortly admonished him,

In the most irritated of tones, by saying: "Oh!  Behave!".

And the little boy's resolute response:  "I am being have!"

And the look on his face, I'll never forget:  injustice, incredulity.

The look on his mother's face:  I-better-not-burst-out-laughing.

- picture taken 5th February... hardly any snow :/ 

Some might say that I'd be happy

To skip the mountainous snowbanks,

Or the overflow of snow everywhere,

Or the long cold snaps of January and

February where -25 C isn't unusual,

Or the numerous blustering snowstorms

That can accumulate an easy 30 cm each time,

Or the mega snow-shovelling to clear off

Our semi-basement apartment's windows,

Or the workout to walk the snowy sidewalks,

Or the numbing, sometimes painful, effect

Of the cold on the face, fingers, legs, toes.

Yes, you'd think I'd be happy to skip all that.

But when it suddenly disappears on you,

And the whole paysage is unrecognizable

Because there's hardly any snow,

There's hardly been snowfalls or storms,

Let alone many days at -20 C to -30 C

(It's 6th of February, and it's -4 C!  WTH?),

It all feels so strange in a bothersome way

That can't go unnoticed.  My whole life,

Winter has always been plentiful, let's say,

And to see it so mild and démunis, it takes

Some serious getting used to, I must confess.

- in French, "de" can mean of or from... my son misunderstood "de luxe" to mean from someone called Luxe...  

Nous étions au magasin Toys R Us -

Mon copain, mon fils aîné (qui était âgé de

quatre ans à l'époque), notre fils cadet

(tout petit à treize mois), et moi - pour aller

chercher la paie qui n'avait pas été déposée.

We were at the Toys R Us store -

My boyfriend, my eldest son (who was 4

at the time), our youngest son

(littlest at thirteen months), and me - to go

get the undeposited pay cheque.

Nous nous retrouvions dans la salle

des employés en petite famille, debout

dans la pièce pendant que mon copain

s'occupait de trouver son gérant.  Entre-

Temps, une employée est entrée,

We were in the employee

room as a little family, standing

in the space while my boyfriend

was busy finding his supervisor.  In

the meantime, an employee came in,

et a remarqué mon fils aîné (sa petite

bette était vraiment trop cute - 

le petit curieux si souriant), alors

commença à l'aborder en riant.  Elle

s'agenouilla devant lui, en tendant sa main :

and noticed my eldest son (his little

face was really too cute -

the curious little one always smiling), so

she started talking to him as she was laughing.  She

knelt in front of him, her hand out :

« Veux-tu un bonbon de luxe ? », sa question.

Mon fils, un peu hésitant, prit le bonbon,

tout en demandant d'un air d'innocence que

les enfants ont : « C'est qui, Luxe ? »

Trop précieux.  J'en souris à ce jour.

"Would you like a deluxe candy?", her question.

My son, a little hesitant, took the candy,

all while asking with that innocent look that

children have :  "Who is, Luxe?"

Too precious.  I smile about it to this day.

It may feel like committing a crime

To write out your lines with rhymes

Especially if you're not good at it

You might annoy the true poets!

For my part, I know it's not my gift

To find them, make'em gel and riff

But still, once in a while, I find it fun

Even though no result will ever stun!

So right now, just a little rhyming ditty

Passing the time, forget trying to be witty

Granted this isn't about much of anything

It's still better than my current imaginings!