F.i.in.e Moods

- my eldest son at 2 years old... he switched letters in some of his words as most toddlers do, he also switched between French and English, 'cause he didn't know yet that he was working with two languages... "fuck" is just a distortion of the word "truck", not that he ever heard the word "fuck" around him... other words he distorted also came out sounding exactly like swear words... in French, he'd say "crisser" (québécois swear) instead of "glisser" for sliding... 

« Un » = "a"

When the boy was a small child

He was fascinated by machinery

And every time he'd see a big vehicle

He'd excitedly cry out:  "Un big truck!"

The only problem is that when he

Said it, it came out as "Un big Fuck".

Then you'd hear his blushing mom say

"Yes, a big Truck.  It's a very big Truck".

- it's a bit peculiar too how their exasperation, irritation stemmed from their surprise at how a 7-year-old kid couldn't just accept what they were saying with the appropriate awe for the miracles they were explaining... I simply couldn't grasp how any of it was possible... that it's because he was the son of God was just weird...  

It isn't like I went out of my way

To irritate the church ladies as

A child, it's just they weren't ever

Giving me satisfactory answers

To my ever-growing questions I

Could never get clarified by them.

All they gave me was nonsense

I couldn't wrap my head around,

And their irritation cemented the

Feeling they had no clue themselves

What all of this was about, or why

They loved it so much and I should

Be feeling as much love for it too.  

It just didn't make any sense to me.

There were too many gaps and

My seven-year-old mind didn't

Like not understanding the whole.

It made me distrust this is anything

To be taken seriously, 'cause no

One had any explanations for it.

For any of it in its entirety, in fact.

The explanation is that there is none,

You must have faith it is 'cause they

Told you so.  I'm irritated with you,

But trust me, what I say is the truth,

Doesn't inspire anything positive.

It was never my intention to irritate,

But I just wanted to understand,

And their answers weren't cutting it.

Was it insolence?  Of course it wasn't.

I just wanted to better understand and

They weren't doing anything to help that.

Oy, dear mind,

There you are

At it again, you

Relentless fool.

You already know

It's no good for you

To take the hand

That'll lead to ruin.

You know too well

The results of that

Unfortunate path.

Stay clear, y'hear me?

Argh, for goodness sake!

Can't turn my back

On you for a minute,

Can I?  Stop it, already!

- m'brain is in French mode from writing loads of official communications lately... but all that literary French I've been writing made me want to loosen it up for a moment, so wrote this text in spoken Québécois... sorry, and good luck translation tools... I get a serious kick from the results...

ouin, ç'plutôt clair

que tu n'pourrais pas

t'en crisser plus que

comme dans l'an 40.

ouin, j'vois bien ç'qu'tu

fais-là, on dirait qu'tu't'

crois vraiment trop, mais

dans l'fond, t'sais rien.

ouin, on peut pas s'o'stiner

avec ç'qu'yé évident, là,

facque, continue d'me

traiter en cave, enwèye.

ouin, ç'pas fort, mais

c'est ça, j'y peux pas

grand-chose autre que

d'te r'garder aller...

ouin, ça m'fait rire.

l'bâton pourrait pas être

fourré plus creux, et un

nono, ç't'un nono ;

y'a rien à faire avec ça.

j'étais assise, paisiblement

dans mes pensées, quand

tout d'un coup, t'es sorti

de nulle part comme un

"bat out of hell" et tu m'as

fait sursauter en dehors de

mon pauvre petit corps...

rough translation...

- « Tellement inattendu » is "So Unexpected"...

I was sitting, peacefully

in my thoughts, when

all of sudden, you came out

of nowhere like a

"bat out of hell" and you made

me jump out of

my poor little body...