F.i.in.e Moods

- I'm of the opinion that these topics should remain a private affair...

Would it be considered disrespectful

Or inconsiderate on my part if I were

To blather on about how I think it's

Absolute nonsense to believe that our

Lives are a result of a higher power?

Would it be a source of discomfort

If I contradicted everything you said

About how it's important to you and

Laid out all of the reasons why I

Think it's utterly ridiculous all around?

I bet it would ruffle your feathers

And make you feel like I'm attacking

You if I didn't hold back and shoved

It in your face every time you spoke,

You'd feel terrible if I did that to you.

Yet, you continuously do that to me.

You blather on about this stuff as if

It was something everyone believes

Or is comfortable accepting as truth.

If anything, you're the disrespectful one

To not take into account the possibility

That your beliefs aren't shared by all,

And that not everyone wants to hear

About it, or are relating to such notions.

You just go on like it's every day talk for all.

It annoys me beyond words 'cause I

Make every effort to spare you discomfort,

But you have no such considerations for

Others, and then get offended that it's not

Well received by some, as if not feeling

As you do is being mean to you.

It's not, it's only about boundaries,

And realizing not everyone feels

There's such a thing as the existence

Of a deity, for some, that means 

Absolutely nothing.

It holds no validity,

No importance,

No doubts.

It's just nonsense.

I realize that may be shocking

To you, just as I find it shocking

That you hold such beliefs,

but that's the reality,

We don't all feel as you do.

So please, a bit of respect.

Keep this stuff to yourself.

I'm not planning it,

But I strongly wish

It'll happen soon,

'Cause I can't do

This anymore...

I'm no longer in

A state of crisis,

But these feelings,

They cling to me,

And suffocate...

This aloneness

Has no end in sight,

This discomfort

Keeps growing,

I just want peace...

But it's simply

Unattainable,

And I'm too tired,

Too broken, 

And too hurt...

I'm not planning it,

But I strongly wish

It'll happen soon,

'Cause I can't do

This anymore...

peut-être qu'un jour

tu réussiras à comprendre

tous ces mots offerts qui

t'apparaissent cryptiques

peut-être qu'un jour

tu verras que j'ai toujours

été directe à propos de ce

que je te laisse savoir

peut-être qu'un jour...

mais pour l'instant

je ne peux en faire plus

tout n'est que dévoilé

à toi de voir que tout

a toujours été dans ta

face, je n'ai rien caché

peut-être qu'un jour...

She would never say it outright,

But she knows how this'll end...

There's no two ways about this story,

She'll make it happen, it's inevitable.

She doesn't know when exactly,

But that day will come eventually.

It's the surest thing she knows.

The last thing you said to me

Is that I don't owe you or anyone

An apology, that the things I'm

Dealing with weren't chosen by me.

Those words are staying with me

I go over them to this day and

They make the tears come 'cause

They're so you...

The kindness you've given

Me over the years, as you know,

It's not been a regular experience

But you stood by me through it all

Hell or high water, no judgement

You always were present

You cared and you said so

I'm not sure why, but you did

And I'm so grateful to have had

The chance to cross your path

More than that, I feel very fortunate

And I'll hold you dear to my heart

Until it'll be my turn to go

I'll never forget you

And I'll miss you forever

You were truly one of a kind

I wish you were still here

So that I could add to our

Last conversations -- I'd told

You that I was trying to figure

Things out, and now that I

Have, I'd have dearly loved

To let you know that I finally 

Did after all this time trying.

I wish time had been on our side,

And I could've finally removed that

Long-standing worry that existed,

And tell you that I'm ok, my friend.

An effective solution was found,

There's some relief possible in this

Life, and I won't have to opt for the

Other option we were talking about.

I'm ok, wish I could've told you.

I do realize that I'm using up

A lot of your time, and no doubt

Often using up your emotional

Resources, and I'm not happy

To be doing that to you...

I do realize that my problems

Can be a bit much, at times,

And it certainly shouldn't be

Anything that you feel you need

To fix 'cause that's not reasonable...

So I think it's time for me to

Withdraw, and restore your peace.

- welfare check for suicidal thoughts by the police... not what was going on, but they had to check it out anyway because someone was concerned... but...

it was unnervingly unsettling... they looked like that, they didn't identify themselves, they were brusque, and didn't really involve me in the intervention about my well-being... it felt pretty surreal and very far from reassuring or calming... 

the uniform that the Québec police wear

makes them look like they're ready for combat

all kitted up with tactical gear, for some reason

all the way to camo pants and firearm...

it's hard to believe that they send officers

looking like that for a welfare check 

and don't realize how that might affect

someone who they believe is vulnerable... 

how's that in line with the best interests

of anyone who may be in a crisis? 

All those talks we had,

How I was trying hard to

Figure out what's going

On with those episodes,

And you being comforting,

giving me support, always

How I wish you were still

Here so I could tell you what

I figured out finally, and

The help I found to make

It stop, it'd have been so

Great for you to know that

After all this time of worry

How I wish I could have

Made it go away finally

I know you'd have been

Happy to hear the good news

You've been around for so much

This would have been the best

How I wish I could have let you know

I think death is a very personal experience
And the process is influenced by our beliefs

For some, they encounter bright lights and
Loved-ones greeting and guiding them onward

For others, no such things present themselves
In fact, there's nothing that presents itself at all

For my part, I simply can't believe in life after death
As my experiences of death were the same each time

A last memory of everything going black
And nothing further beyond that point

It's these experiences that lead me to think

Life after death isn't a plausible reality

But that's just me