F.i.in.e Moods

Whoa, calme-toi, l'ami

tu vas exploser, sinon

je ne connais pas ta peine

mais je vois bien qu'elle est réelle

en espérant que cette vengeance

dont tu parles ne soit pas dirigée

envers moi, car il n'y a pas

ce que tu dis, pas de racisme,

pas d'animosité contre toi,

il n'y a rien qui se passe...

ce sont tes blessures qui te jouent

un tour, l'ami, on ne t'a rien fait ici

c'est triste de te voir aussi souffrant

loins de mes souhaits de te voir ainsi

Sometimes, you come across

Really kind people in your day,

And yesterday, that's what

Happened to me when I

Unfortunately had to call

A tow truck, 'cause car

Wouldn't start, and I was

All the way to the IRDPQ

Some 17 Km away from home.

The tow truck that arrived

In IRDPQ's parking lot was

Absolutely gigantic, high up

To get into the cabin to sit.

The tech who showed up

Was really kind, checked the

Car out, he thinks it's the starter.

So up goes my car on the tow,

And I painstakingly manage to

Climb up the ladder stairs

With bars everywhere to hold

On to to hoist yourself up.

The tech was standing behind

Me to make sure I don't fall,

He was concerned that I don't

Hurt myself.  I won't lie, it

Was not easy to get myself up

There with my condition, but

I did succeed to get in and out.

Tow tech brought me and my car

To my mechanic's garage which is

1 Km away from my home.  So once

There, I texted my mechanic to explain

The situation as to why my car is on his

Lot, and I also called my douce moitié

To come get me on the electric bike,

'Cause I can't walk 1 km with my canes.

While I was on the phone, the tow tech

Came and returned my keys, and told

Me I didn't have to pay the extra Kms

Of this ride, he should have charged

Them, but he didn't make me pay them.

I'm not sure why he decided to not

Charge them to me, but that was an

Unexpected but very pleasant surprise.

So a meh moment was turned around

On its head by this kind gesture he did

For me, all of it made me feel happy,

Even though the situation was nothing

To feel happy about, 'cause more costs.

He just made the moment so much better,

And that was really nice to feel.  Good guy.

my take : "Your positioning on things is completely nonsensical"

your take : "Your positioning on things is completely nonsensical" 

when minds can't meet...

The difference between you and me is the following:

I don't mind that our views don't gel in any shape,

That one another's views are contrary in every way,

And still, even though my reasoning concludes that

Your positioning on things is completely nonsensical,

I feel no aggression for you, and certainly no desire

To change your mind -- I do accept and respect you.

And you, well, you're just not able to do that.

You get aggressive and downright mean when

Other people don't view things the way you do.

You feel the need to disparage, dismiss, discredit

Anyone who doesn't adhere to your particular views.

You categorize them as uninformed or misinformed,

Adamantly confident that you possess the truth of

What's really going on, that your sources are the only

Reliable ones that anyone should afford credence.

You're so sure of yourself, no one will change your

Mind.  You're so closed off, and so sure you're right.

I do accept and respect that you can be this way, but

This doesn't mean that I actually like you as a person;

I really don't think that part will ever be possible.

You're too aggressive for no good reason.

must admit that surprises me...

I'm not sure why you're sticking

around, so to speak... I'd say I'm

a bit of a mess, so that's not too

great.  Let's just say that I'm not

quite used to people doing that

in my life, it's never what happens. 

so it puzzles me a bit... I'm super

grateful that you're there, no doubt

about that... just puzzled

at the same time...  

- this boy looooves his food... 

My cat Douglas

Is a sweet thing,

But looking at him go

You'd think he hadn't

Been fed in a week.

I swear, he comes

Off as pretty ravenous

When it comes to food.

This cat lives to eat and

Not the other way around.

He really loses himself

When we prepare him

His portion, he starts

To get antsy, even 

Charges around like

The end of the world

Is nigh. He can't contain

Himself, it's just not

Arriving fast enough.

So excited like he's

Never seen it before.

It's quite the spectacle.

Thanks for talking me off the ledge.

I carry your words and I try to keep

Them in mind so as to not go ahead.

I can't promise that I won't,

I wish I could, but I think

We both know it'd be a lie.

My joie de vivre is off on a hike,

My mind is being amorous with

The end, and I'm just too tired

To step into the ring to effectuate

Any sort of turn around right now.

But I think of you and the time

You always take for me even 

When I'm difficult in every way.

As to why you've not folded yet 

I'll never know, but thank you,

It's all I can say at the moment.

You're my truest friend, j't'aime.

- with rough translation...

c'est plutôt étonnant pour moi

que nous soyons assis ensemble

et que tu ne te rends pas compte

que je suis dans un état second.

it's somewhat surprising to me

that we're sitting together

and that you don't notice

that I'm in a right state.

c'est vrai que je ne te l'ai pas

dévoilé, mais il me semble assez

clair que je suis affectée, un peu

étrange que tu ne le vois pas.

it's true that I haven't

revealed it to you, but it seems pretty

clear to me that I'm affected, a bit

strange that you don't see it.

c'est sans contre-dit chose qui

me rend un peu mal à l'aise...

ça m'apparaît assez évident

que je suis au ralentie à présent.

it's without doubt something that

makes me feel a little ill at ease...

it seems to me to be pretty obvious

that I'm slow right now.

c'n'est pas mon intention de

te faire la cachette sur ces

choses, mais j'aurais pensé

que tu t'en rendrais compte.

it's not my intention to

hide these things from you,

but I would've thought

that you would notice.

je suis tellement gelée,

j'étais sûre que ça ne

passerait pas inaperçu...

mais apparemment pas.

I'm so drugged up,

I was sure it wouldn't

go unnoticed...

but apparently not.

- with rough translation... 

1, 2, 3, go

tu sais c'que tu veux

qu'est-ce qui t'arrête?

1, 2, 3, go

you know what you want

what's stopping you?

allez, 1, 2, 3, go

vas-y fort, arrête

de procrastiner

so, 1, 2, 3, go

go ahead hard, stop

procrastinating

1, 2, 3, go, l'résultat

va être l'même à la fin

alors, vas-y

1, 2, 3, go, the result

will be the same in the end

so, go ahead

1, 2, 3, go, il n'y a plus

rien qui t'en empêche

c'est c'que tu veux

1, 2, 3, go, there's nothing

more that prevents you

that's what you want

1, 2, 3, go

allez, vas-y, t'r'tiens pas

j't'assure qu'c'est l'temps

1, 2, 3, go

so, go ahead, don't hold yourself back

I assure you that it 's time

By my parents, I was abused and mistreated

Physically, psychologically, and sexually,

Then I left when I was around twelve and

Spent about eight years living on the streets

Where I encountered more abuse and

Violence, once even being beaten to death

In my late teens, so excuse me if I struggle

With things in my life and write about them.

My état d'âme might disturb you, but for

Fuck's sake, don't you dare chalk it down

To mere angst, it's not what this is about.

The ravages of trauma are deeply affecting,

And I do my best to not let this pain get

The better of me, I've been trying for years.

But although these things are ancient history,

And I don't spend time thinking about them,

My body and mind are stuck with flashbacks

That make me feel the assaults as though

They're happening right this moment now.

These come about in my sleep, or just when

My love gives me a simple touch or caress,

My whole being gets sent back to horrors.

This is not a conscious thing I can control, it

Just happens 'cause trauma wired it this way.

I've been dealing with this for over 35 years,

And it's a glitch in my nervous system for

Which there's no possibility to gain control.

So my body makes me feel those old assaults

Very vividly as though they're happening now,

And it's the most difficult thing to live with.

So I'm sorry you find all of this too negative,

But that's the stuff to be dealt with in my life.

So before brushing me off as a negative one,

At least find out what it's all about as all I'm

Trying to do is survive and navigate through

The impossible that was imposed on me,

And sure, a lot of struggles do take up a lot

Of space, but it isn't because I haven't been

Trying to get myself away from all this pain.

I was broken, and I tried to rebuild from there.

Not as successfully as I'd have hoped by now,

But for trying, that I've been doing a long time.

So sometimes, I get seriously down and in

Despair 'cause there's so much a person can

Endure when it comes to pain, add to that the

Fact my body is also in pain with a degenerative

Condition that makes every movement painful,

After a while, all that pain just sucks all energy.

So wanting to make it all come to an end is

Only an inevitable desire I have to contend with

'Cause the whole situation feels hopeless without

Any prospect for any improvement.  So yeah, I

Get desperate, run down, and completely unsure

Why I'm even bothering to carry on this life. My

Endurance gets worn out, my energy disappears,

And all I feel is a continual reality of just pain.

So I'm sorry you find all of this too negative,

But I'm only human in the end.

Do you know how many times

I literally died in your company,

And you didn't even notice it?

Quite a few times, actually, and

Each time I clearly laid it out

To you, but you didn't see at all.

Maybe you did, but you didn't say

A single word my way, so this

Leads me to think you're very

Unperceptive or maybe don't care.

But it's alright, I know next time

Will be the same as the others,

I'll die in your face, and you will

Carry on like nothing's happened,

'Cause that's just how it goes.

It's very surprising, but not exactly

Unexpected, really, considering

That being bothered isn't what

People would consider their

Favorite thing to have happen,

Even when it comes to a crisis.

So next time, I won't seek

Your company or let you know,

I'll just go on my own, quietly.

That should make you feel better.