F.i.in.e Moods

Become blaringly obvious

Your expectations have

Been disappointed and

You wished for a lot more...

It's also clear to all of us

Your preoccupations are

About what you don't have

Instead of what you do have...

A shame throbs on since the day

You said our love couldn't be seen

Or apparently be felt by you...

A more surprising response

There really couldn't have been one

Or could it ever have been imagined

Those words have a knocking out

Effect forever invading the heart

And what's a mother to say...

- 25 years today... it's hard to believe, really... I'm ok, just October is the month many traumatic events happened in my life... so the change of the season kind of brings me back despite myself... thinking of D. today...

No, I refuse to revisit that specific point in time.

I won’t let the season’s change of air

swerve me back onto that memory’s pull

It’s one that is better left sleeping restfully.

I will only say you were a beautiful time

A beautiful friend whom I loved dearly

Today I remember you did for me too

as well as know the last scene wasn’t for me.

And this is where it needs to be kept

No more and no less, or face it all again.

As for time being some kind of healer

some tragedies will no matter just stay raw.

So, instead, on this ‘anniversary’ of your funeral

my thoughts engage on a beautiful time

a beautiful friend whom I loved dearly

and I only will to remember that you did too.

C'est parce que cela

ne m'apporte plus rien...

Il n'y a plus rien à dire

ou même à partager...

Il n'y a plus de joie

ou de confort...

Le tout est un néant

grandissant, englobant...

J'me dis que c'est le temps

de passer à autre chose.

- a fleeting thought that pops in mind once in a rare while even though the need for an answer is long gone...

I wonder sometimes

If you ever have a moment

Outside of avoidance

When you can clearly see

The impacts

You had on us children

Whose growing up

Experience was you...

- so boring when it happens... obviously, this isn't directed at anyone here... I find it cute when it stems from caring... very much less tolerable when it stems from misogyny... my brain cells always want to jump off a cliff then... 

But I can't promise I'll be attentively listening 'cause,

You know,

I have better things in mind for my brain today?

Just sayin'.

- thank you all for your kind comments on my last posts... my health's in poor shape and I can't concentrate, so I will be by your page as soon as I feel better... today was an absolute horrible day all around and I need a break too...

Never imagined that the people I love the most on this planet

Would turn out to make me feel the most insignificant as can be

- reconciling the idea that there's a plan with all of what life has been like to this point is a very hard sell... no disrespect to my religious friends, of course... it's only a topic which doesn't make me happy or comfortable for my personal life...

Jesus!  I swear to your dad (ha ha),

If the two of you should actually exist,

And for some reason we get to meet,

I'll sock both of you right in the kisser!

You imaginative psychopaths!

- when the medecine will make you sicker before better... a common occurrence in the current treatments available... 

Apparently, this is normal...

You'll have to get more sick first

Before you can get well again

But you'll have other medecines

To counteract the effects of this one

And so on, if these others affect too

It'll all be well in the end, you'll see

Well, that's mighty reassuring...

- extreme weather events are more than passed the point of being a clue... hm...

As the Brits would say :

Fucking hell!

Still not convinced

After that ? ? ?

Promise of relief, peace,

A wearying elusiveness

With no beginning, no end,

And never any prospects.

A recurring dead end

Which will only follow

For as long as breath'll

Flow in this tiredness...