F.i.in.e Moods

How I wish I could tell you

In a way to make you see it.

There're so many things to be revealed,

Yet there's no aptness to make it happen.

Still, the chasm created needs an end,

'Cause my poor heart cannot

Withstand any longer moment

Of this soaring incomprehension... 

While, in the meantime, I await for

His maturity to catch back up

With the reality of our experience,

So that he can drop the impressions

From the manipulations which were

Thrown in his path between us --

To again embrace and smile

As we always used to do together,

Oh, how I wish,

How I long...

There are really no words

For these tears...

There isn't anything to be said

That is any sort of interesting,

And I keep thinking to myself,

Who'd care to know any of it, anyway?

So I figure why would I find words for it?

What would be the purpose behind that one?

Quite frankly, in the last few months, my

Sense of insignificance has been growing...

'Cause the truth is, I'm nothing special,

Not even to those dearest to me,

So it'd make no sense anymore

For me to explain it all like it mattered.

- Lilliput (Aug 2010-June 2023) ... 

It's been four days since

We had to say goodbye

To our beloved Lilliput.

It happened one day

Before the move...

And I got to say, not

Having her presence

Around and not having

Our usual chats and cuddles,

I'm finding it pretty hard.

- I'm ok, just what's to come that can't be helped... moving around with my body causes injury every time... I'm dealing with it now, but at some point, I won't be able to anymore... it's a thought that comes to mind here and there... but I usually keep it to myself... processing it, I guess...  

For five minutes, it's usually ok,

Ten minutes, I'm feeling it,

Fifteen minutes, well, that'll

Require a few days of recuperation

To make the inflammation go down.

That's moving or walking.

But I also injure myself while

In my sleep, so things are

Pretty fragile with all the parts

Of my articulations, my joints.

And they're not going to get better.

There is no getting this to better,

As it's a degenerative condition,

And there is no treatment for it,

Aside attempting to strengthen them

In the hopes that might help a bit

To delay the road to loss of mobility.

I'm not sure how I feel about it,

But it does play on my mind

As the pain is a constant reminder.

I know that at some point,

It will no longer be possible

For me to use most of my limbs,

And I will require assistance to

Get by in my life, and frankly,

Not entirely convinced that 

I'll be wanting to get to that point.

My present and my future

Are inevitably in for a lot of pain,

Can't say I'm terribly thrilled about it.

- just learned tonight that it's happening on Monday... 

My friend's father has made

The decision to die this Monday,

Assisted by doctors to end

Things on his own terms and

Not wait for his terminal illness

To get him there in its own terms.

This man has known me since

The age of 19, and has been since then

In my life almost like a father would be.

He welcomed me in his family,

And gave me love all of these years,

To me, he's a very important person.

Although I completely understand

His decision, and I fully respect it,

I'm nonetheless feeling heartbroken

That the time has arrived so soon.

I have to come to terms now with the

Fact that he'll be gone from our lives.

I'm having a hard time holding back

My tears, I so want to see him before

He goes, but at the same time, I don't

Want to impose myself in such a

Personal moment either.  I'm not sure

How to go about dealing with this one.

Imposing ways

Brought on by

Spurious reasons

Don't sit well

And if they do

A reevaluation

Of your thoughts

Might be in order